The Titanic Test of spotting narcs
A few years ago, I did a deep-dive on ‘narcissists’ and so-called ‘Narcissist Personality Disorder’ (NPD).
By ‘deep dive’, I mean I read tens of books, did hours and hours and hours of praying about how to handle the ‘narcs’ in my own life, and my own ‘narcissistic tendencies’, that I was just waking up to.
And I also did a lot of soul-searching about whether ‘unfixable narcs’ can ever make teshuva.
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I’m not talking about the people who are raised in narcissistic environments, and who have picked up ‘fleas’ from the narcs, in terms of how they interact with others.
You know, like all the ‘pretend perfection’; ‘I can do no wrong’; calling other people ‘silly’ and ‘stupid’ (like, all the time….); guilt trips, insults, manipulative mind games etc etc.
All of us sometimes trip into these bad middot, that doesn’t make a person a ‘narc’.
What makes a person a ‘narc’, is that they are never the problem, they never have any teshuva to make, nothing to apologise for. It’s always everyone else’s fault.
And most of all, and probably the real ‘clue’ that you’re dealing with a narc, is that your stomach usually turns in knots after interactions with them, and you experience tremendous discomfort all up and down your vagus nerve.
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Why is this?
Because we interact consciously with the outer ‘shell’ of the narcissist, which is carefully controlled, and carefully presented, to appear a certain way (i.e. ‘pretend perfect’, can-do-no-wrong, always right about everything etc etc.)
But our subconscious is picking up the very strong subliminal messages that this person is dangerous. This person is nasty. This person is bad news – run away fast, now!!!
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In the West, in particular, we were all taught to stifle these ‘warning signs’, so that people in authority could continue to abuse us, manipulate us, ‘brainwash us’ in to seeing things – everything! – their way.
So it is, that so many people (especially in places like NYC and London) go through life literally never understanding that most of their social interactions, most of their ‘mind set’, most of their beliefs – it’s all being shaped by the narcs in their life.
Getting free of the narcs is probably the single biggest thing anyone can do for their own mental health, happiness and ‘freedom of soul’.
(And also, physical health. Because spending too much time around ‘narc energy’ can literally make you physically sick, on so many levels.)
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But it’s so hard to do, because the narcs don’t take kindly to losing their ‘influence’ over others, or their ‘pretend perfect’ appearance, and they will fight tooth and nail to keep everyone jumping to their tune.
Especially, the unfortunate people who happen to be their close family members, or work colleagues.
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There is a huge amount of overlap between ‘Cluster B’ personalities, as it was fashionable to call narcs ten years ago, and ‘Erev Rav’ personality traits.
You can download Unlocking the Secret of the Erev Rav HERE, for free, which lists all this stuff out exhaustively.
But it’s almost a perfect fit.
And that’s why it’s so important for more of us to understand how these narcs operate, what they do to is – and perhaps most importantly, who they really are.
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One of the most useful ‘quick tools’ I ever came across for cluing you into whether you are dealing with a narc is called ‘the Sinking Titanic Test’.
It goes like this:
Imagine that you are on the deck of the Titanic.
There is one lifejacket left – and two of you on board who needs it.
You, and the other person you are ‘feeling out’, mentally.
What happens next?
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If you literally take the minute required to ‘imagine’ this scene, you’ll find that your subconscious instantly jumps at the chance to show you what your relationship with this person is actually really like, at least, from the subconscious perspective.
For example, one of the people I ‘imagined’ showed up with a machine gun and barked at me they would blow my head off, if I so much as took a step closer to him and his precious lifejacket.
(Yup…. That fit 100%).
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Meanwhile, when I did it imagining my husband, neither of us wanted to be the one ‘left behind’ without the other one, so we both went down with the Titanic.
And that was fine with us.
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Meanwhile, some other person came up with a million justifications for why the world really needed ‘smart people’ like him, while ‘stupid people’ like me – well, we were surplus to requirements, and the argument was over.
(Again, yup…. That fit 100%).
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I highly, highly recommend you try this easy exercise yourself.
Run a whole bunch of people in your circle through it, and you’ll soon start to pick up the real ‘vibe’ of who that person really is, and how they really treat you, and how they really make you feel.
(Warning: if you are from the US or the UK, or other ‘Anglo’ places, where two-faced hypocrisy is the order of the day, you will probably get quite the shock from this…. But ultimately, it’s better to know who and what you are dealing with.)
And may Hashem save us from the clutches of the Erev Rav in our midst, and the ‘Erev Rav’ tendencies that so many of us still have.
Excellent, Rivka. How I can relate to that!
I can immediately think of one specific person in my life, as far as that “other”. Yep… Oh well, that’s life, I guess; what to do?…
Thank you so much for this quick and short post; it hit home. Hashem yerachem!
Look and listen: beautiful!
He is not as bad as we portray him, after all….
https://unitedwithisrael.org/watch-benjamin-netanyahu-sings-heartfelt-prayer-for-idf-soldiers/
Hi Rivka. Unrelated, but still related to a certain degree in my answer to him.
Look what Mike Adams sent to his list: the guy is one of the worst antisemites I ever encountered.
Here: and then I will share my reply to him too.
“Israel has gone off the rails and is now being described by former US Congressman Dennis Kucinich as a “rogue government” that follows no laws, no treaties and no humanitarian rules whatsoever.
With Israel now targeting and murdering international food aid workers (on purpose), and targeting, bombing and destroying an Iranian consulate building in Syria, Israel is announcing to the world that it will never stop committing violence, war and genocide until the world finds a way to stop Israel first.
That’s the critical message today: The world must stop Israel. If we don’t, we all die in a nuclear holocaust as regional war transforms into world war, and world war unleashes nuclear weapons that decimate life on planet Earth.
Israel is now the most dangerous nation on the planet, and it is in the hands of a muderous psychopath (Netanyahu) who gladly risks the deaths of billions of people in order to try to save himself.”
And here is my reply to his email. I don’t know if he will read it, but I had to do it anyway. The guy has to be exposed for what he is. He is a real menace, with his incitement against Israel.
“You are a total paranoid nut, Mike. You don’t understand the situation in Israel at all. Wake up!
I know, you are an avid gun owner. So let me ask you:
What would YOU do if some wild barbaric stranger came and [edited, as a bit too graphic…] and then abducted her? I just have some strange feeling that you would not quite put up with it. Would you? You would pursue that subhuman creature and finish him off. Wouldn’t you?
So with your insane understanding of the situation, and Israel’s actions, I am sorry, but you really need help.
And you are such a narcissist: what makes you think that all Israel thinks of is America when it acts? Maybe it just wants to protects its women, children, and all innocents?
But of course in your crazy mind, all Israel does it to upset and attack the US. Paranoid narcissist! Come on, grow up!”
What do you say, Rivka and all readers? What should we do about this “blood libeler”??
Totally ignore him, and all the rest of the mason-controlled media, and concentrate on praying, working on our own bad middot and asking God to fix this big problem.
Why continue to waste precious time and energy on ‘puppets’ like this?
Well, that’s exactly what I did: I prayed and prayed and prayed to Hashem.
I just can’t believe the delusions of so many Xtians, with their fixation on their “messiah”. You should read some of the comments. I mean the brainwashing is so immense, it is hard to describe – and to stomach.
But why are you calling him a puppet? Why? Whose puppet? And by choice, or by assignment? Unless you mean a puppet of Hashem, which we all are…..?????????
Thanks for your reply.
Love, and thank you again for your blog. A real lifesaver in this crazy insane world. At least somebody to talk to!😀😀