The last couple of days, I was getting all het-up about the fact that I have no idea what is really going on here.

It’s not so easy, to live in a state of constant confusion and stress and doubt – and this has been going on for more than three months already.

(Even longer if we count the plandemic…. but let’s say ‘the war’ started off a much more acute phase of this again, here in Israel.)

When I get scared, my need to try to ‘control’ goes through the roof.

This happens with a lot of us.

And while it has some benefits psychologically, the real fact of the matter is that we aren’t in control of anything or anyone.

And if we don’t have God very clearly in the picture once we finally reach that conclusion, the sense of panic and overwhelm and fear can go through the roof.

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For so many people, even ‘religious’ people right now, the sense of panic and overwhelm and fear is going through the roof.

Panic attacks, inability to sleep, digestive disorders etc (for those who push their feelings way, way down….) – the list of ‘psychomatic’ responses to this fear most people are feeling is increasing all the time.

Baruch Hashem, I deal with 99% of my fear in my hitbodedut.

What’s remaining seems to be ‘dissolving’ now I’ve started going to pilates with a private teacher who is helping me ‘un-hunch’ from all the stress I’ve been carrying around like a stone on my back, since Simchat Torah.

(And probably, way, way before.)

But it’s still very difficult to live in this circumstance, at the moment, and I am not eagerly jumping out of bed each morning, because the world feels like a very scary place.

At least, in theory.

In practise – I am totally fine, BH.

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This morning, I was reading some of the Rav’s prayers, and I came across one that explained that Rabbenu Nachman told us a long time ago that the ‘peak’ of knowing is to know we really know nothing at all.

That idea has done wonders to calm me down internally.

I don’t know what’s going on, and I probably don’t even need to know what’s going on, and the ‘peak’ of knowing is to  know I don’t know.

I.e., this is a spiritual level to aim for, not some sort of malfunction or ‘issue’.

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Of course, the controlling yetzer is not so happy with this idea.

Whaaat?! You’re just going to stop ‘knowing’ what’s happening and let all the bad things ‘happen’ to you and to others?!

It’s kind of compelling…. until I remember that I can’t stop any ‘bad’ thing happening to anyone, except by taking all my issues back to God and asking Him to have mercy on myself, and those I care about, and the Jewish people.

And God doesn’t need a full shopping-list of what is really going on in order to do that.

And for sure, He knows way more what is really going on in any case.

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So, I’m trying to let as much as possible go right now.

BH, I live in Israel already.

BH, I got to Uman and do hitbodedut every day for an hour.

BH, I am trying to make teshuva on my bad middot all the time, and trying to figure out God’s messages and hints about what I myself need to work on, acknowledge, fix and pray about.

At this stage – there is not much else required.

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I have been worrying so much for the people who have children in the army.

But what can I do about it, really?

Except pray for them, and pray that the Rav’s Torah scroll for the soldiers gets completed ASAP, and pray that these soldiers and their families will finally move out of the ‘world of lies’ themselves, enough, to formulate a true spiritual ‘protection’ for themselves and their loved ones.

More than that – probably, even that – I can’t do.

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It’s a narrow bridge of emuna and emunat Tzaddikim.

And each person has to cross it by themselves.

There are no short-cuts, no ‘get out of jail free’ cards.

But in the meantime, the idea that the ‘peak’ of knowing is to know we really know nothing – that idea is helping me to ‘deal’ a whole lot better in my own dalet amot.

And to make more of an effort to just let go, and let God do His thing.

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This is cut and paste from the RavBerland.com site:

At the moment, the merit to be a partner in the writing of the Torah scroll is given to one who purchases a complete sheet of parchment or a complete column by way of the links provided below. 

Afterwards, if portions are left, the possibility of donating verses, words, and letters will be publicized here on the website.

A parchment:

https://buy.stripe.com/eVa9CMglm1RJ4kU00d

A page:

https://buy.stripe.com/dR67uE2uw0NFdVueV8

Anything smaller:

https://ravberland.com/shop/donate/

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PS, my friend sent me a link to a news story that Blinken is now talking very strongly about needing a ‘Palestinian State’ in Israel.

If you remember what the Rav said right at the very beginning of this war, that won’t come as a surprise to you at all.

It strikes me, that all these acts of ‘Palestinian terror’ are designed to soften us all up into thinking that shoving ‘the Palestinians’ in their own state may be the solution to our problems.

But please remember, we tried that with Gaza – and look what happened.

The ‘Palestinians’ are just the stick in God’s hands.

Once the Jews make some real teshuva, they won’t be able to hurt us any more.

And there is no other man-made ‘solution’ to this problem.