Throwing my intellect away
The last few days, I have been feeling pretty uneasy.
It began a couple of days before Sukkot, in the middle of the night, when I woke up feeling very agitated and antsy.
It wasn’t a ‘bad dream’, or something like that, it was a feeling from my neshama.
Later that day, the Golani base got hit by Hizballamerica – it doesn’t really matter ‘how’, once you understand that we are ‘at war’ with America.
Or rather, the satanic masons who run America and the rest of the world are at war with us.
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Usually when I feel like this, I do a pidyon, I try to do six hours of hitbodedut, something.
But right now, the bank account is in deep, deep minus, and the hitbodedut is coming hard, even just the regular hour.
I kind of feel ‘paralysed’ at the moment, in a bunch of different ways.
It could well be the anxiety, that’s flipping me into a FREEZE response, that’s making it hard to do much, and also contributing to feeling very tired all the time.
And / or, it could also be more massive doses of radiation….
At this point, I don’t know.
I don’t know anything.
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My SIL showed me some gory pictures of what is meant to be left of Sinwar.
Usually, I totally avoid all this disgusting ‘snuff’ stuff online, but for some strange reason, I agreed to see it.
What struck me is that Sinwar apparently had no brain….
Because he apparently got a rocket straight in the middle of his forehead, but there is no hint of any ‘brains’ anywhere in the picture.
Maybe, he was also a secret follower of Rabbenu.
Even my very ‘straight’ SIL is finding the whole Sinwar story ‘strange’.
Yeah right, the most wanted terrorist on Israel’s list is going to go for a ‘walk outside’, to take a ‘picture’, exactly when all the other most wanted terrorists on Israel’s list apparently just got smoked?!
Ok. Whatever.
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At this stage, I just want to run away, and ignore everything and everybody until we get to the denuement.
I didn’t feel happy yesterday that Sinwar was dead – because even if it really did happen as described, he’s just a replaceable puppet.
And I can’t shake the feeling that just as Nasrallah’s death was used as the excuse for ‘rockets from Iran’, Sinwar’s death is also just another cynical ploy to set up the pieces for the next move in the ‘game’ being played with us all.
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Yesterday, I got so agitated again motzash, I couldn’t really think straight about anything, not even the washing up.
That’s quite a strange situation for me.
I ended up playing my guitar for an hour.
That’s the only thing that was really coming together – which is kind of surprising, as I have played my guitar maybe three times the last 12 months.
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So, I don’t know anything.
But I’m feeling very uneasy about what’s coming next.
And in that vein of ‘knowing nothing’, I have the strange urge to share this video from Rivka HaTzaddika.
I have no idea about her anymore, either, but I like the message, that our mitzvahs and our Torah is our real ‘protection’ from whatever is going on at the moment.
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And yes, Rav Berland is still my pick for the hezkat Moshiach of our generation.
The Moshiach is not coming back from the dead, and it’s not some guy with great PR and zero persecution, or anyone who works or ever worked for or with the Deep State, either here or in the US.
Once you move the PR and all the media ‘puff’ to one side, it’s obvious that none of these people fit the criteria set out to even be the hezkat Moshiach of their generation.
No matter how much all their masonic-sponsored ‘missionaries’ are trying to convince us all that black is really white.
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So, may we just hear good news.
And may the next stage of whatever is happening here unfold sweetly, with maximum teshuva and minimal Jewish casualties.
Amen.
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PS:
My special correspondent in the South just unearthed this exclusive, and even more convincing, footage of another arch terrorist being taken out:
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Ah, Tatty.
I believe it’s the radiation. I’ve been experiencing difficulties too. Struggling to raise the Simcha, but something is preventing. That leaves me with a slightly foreboding feeling. The Succa by NIGHT leaves me itching something awful. Restless sleep much later 2:30 am than usual. Plus digestion is preventing eating Yom Tov foods (my weak area). So I commiserate with you. Keep looking toward Shamayim, and know that we will get thru only IY”H this ‘test’ to crush our Emunah!
I also thought the Sinwar death story was far fetched. Yes he can be replaced. How he died doesn’t really matter. I hoped he suffered imeasurable pain.
I apologize for naming myself Anonymous this time, but you know who I am by my email address. I fear being tracked by the Medina with a public statement.
Something that is not being reported anywhere is the massive, and massively dangerous, anti-Torah action by this government going on right now. EVERY bachur in the country that had an annual deferment (dichui) has had their deferments cancelled, and are being forced into the army on October 31.
Everybody.
My son, please pray for him!, is in the middle of this. Apparently all the haredi rabbonim are telling their bachurim to not show up, ignore the orders…. after all “they can’t arrest everyone”.
Yes, they are saying that.
With the bachurim gone, yeshiva income will be seriously curtailed, meaning less money for kollel stipends, etc. This downhill snowball will backfire on the Medina. We could be in for another shoah.
and a lot of good Torah learners in jail.
Personally, I think that if someone claims to be in yeshiva, gets a dichui, and is not really learning…. well, they should go into the IDF. BUT, for those who are truly learning with mesirus nefesh, like my son, they are protecting this land and its people every bit as much, if not more, than anyone.
Please pray!!!! This is a very difficult time!
I wanted to add to the above, that we are also experiencing the anxiety freeze and exhaustion.
Frankly, it is easier to sleep through all of this, and especially now with the war on the Torah world escalating, than to face it.
We are tired all the time, sleeping much more than usual, and hardly eating because of the awful anxiety stomach aches. We are weak and at the extreme end of our ability to cope.
“ein od milvado”, frankly, is not cutting it. We have zero emuna, apparently. Baruch Hashem for showing us that we are truly holding so very low. Still, it feels like there is no solution and we are truly at the end of our sanity.
I can handle the sirens, interceptions, and missile and drone strikes that are many times every day all around me. What I can’t handle is my son being forced into an army who would rather sacrifice our own and protect, feed, and arm the enemy.
Did you do a pidyon nefesh for your son?
That is my first recourse for everything at the moment.
Because it’s exactly when the dinim, the judgments are too much for us ourselves to ‘pray away’, or to ‘teshuva away’ alone, that the pidyon nefesh is required.
BH, we’ll hear good news. God has a lot of patience. But the cup of injustice has to be brimming over the top, already. It’s hard to think there’s space for even another ‘drop’ of evil to fill it.
I appreciate the advice. Yes, we did. I hope to do another after my next paycheck, but will be after the 31st.
We’re not the only ones in this situation. I am told that it is nationwide. All on the same date. How can they even process that many people in one day?
I was thinking some more about this.
Small people like you and me, who don’t have a big tolerance for ‘pain’, and a big tolerance for going through difficult things, that’s part of the reason God put the Breslov path of ‘sweetening life’ in our faces.
I know for myself, without the Breslov advice – hitbodedut, working on middot, pidyonot to the ‘Tzaddik of the Generation’, Uman, etc – I would have gone bonkers a long time ago.
(Ok, more bonkers ;-))
Others have a much greater tolerance for ‘pain’ and suffering it appears – but everyone is approaching their limit, at least, here in Israel.
And as this ‘limit’ is being approached, I am seeing so many people getting closer to Hashem, in a million, billion different ways.
To give 2 examples from my own dalet amot in the last 24 hours – we had a guest in our succah who a year ago would have self-defined as ‘anti-religious, full-on intellectual chiloni’.
And now… he asked if he could come and experience a chag meal with us, and he told me he’s happy to be invited back for a shabbat meal, too.
He spent Yom Kippur walking all over Meah Shearim, searching for…. (God. He perhaps doesn’t realise that himself yet, but that’s what is going on.)
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Meanwhile, downstairs one of my ‘totally chiloni’ neighbors decided to light candles before the chag, if not the first time ever, then the first time in at least 50 years….
It’s huge.
And all these ‘small movements’ are building into a massive force of teshuva and ‘open miracles’ that are openly revealed – that God will reveal at exactly the right time.
So, each person is doing their bit.
And the people who understand about pidyonot, and are close to the Rav, and are paying ‘for their own issues’ – those pidyonot are also being used to ‘sweeten’ things for everyone else too, in the same situation, at their root.
There is no yeoush in the whole world.
Just right now, I agree it’s hard to understand that.
But simple emuna dictates turn off the brain, say as many TKs / hitbodedut / Rav prayers as we can manage, give as much tzedaka, do as much teshuva as we can – but understand, that this is way, way, way beyond us.
But Baruch Hashem, there is the Rav.
And he’s been fighting this spiritual battle for a very long time, already. And I personally can’t believe that all the tremendous effort that’s been going on for so very long – by so many people, not just the Rav – is going to go for naught this time around.
But we are probably going to get taken right down to the wire, before it finally ‘flips’.