Amazingly, as I was reading last week’s Shivivei Or, which I missed because I was in Uman last Shabbat, trying to recover some ‘lost things’ – whaddya know?!

The Rav was giving a whole shiur on how you have to travel to the Tzaddik to find your ‘lost things. Let’s bring that below, and then below that, the original lesson in Likutey Moharan I:188 that the Rav is quoting:

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Let’s bring Likutey Moharan 188.

“I know how to return all the lost things.”

The Rebbe says, I know how to return all the lost things.

Apart from Rabbenu [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov], no-one else knows how to ‘return lost things’.

[A person who finds something ‘lost’ as defined in the Mishnah] “has to announce it”.

[However, he is under no obligation to return it, until the person who comes to claim it can prove it is his, as elucidated in the Gemara. And then you have to]:

“Check he is not an impostor”, and then, that he wants to see Hashem….

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So, Lesson 188, the Rebbe says, only I can give back the lost things!

“Know: one must journey to the tzaddik in search of what one has lost.”

Why do we travel to the Tzaddik? To fetch the ‘lost things’. Everything is lost for a person.

Shmirat eynayim – [gets lost because of] all sorts of sins, and apart from the Tzaddik, no-body else can give back what is lost.

There is no such thing as this.

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Translated from Shivivei Or 431

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Ad kan, from the Rav. Here is the original lesson from Rebbe Nachman:

Lesson I:188 Likutey Moharan:

Know: one must journey to the tzaddik in search of what one has lost.

Before one enters the world, one is taught and shown everything that one needs to do, work at and achieve in this world.

But as soon as one enters this world, it is all forgotten, as our Sages said (Niddah 30b). Now, forgetting something is like losing it, as our Sages referred to someone who forgets as someone who loses things, as they said, “Swift to hear and swift to lose.” (Avot 5:12).

Thus, one must search and seek for what one has lost.

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And that what one has lost is with the Tzaddik.

For the Tzaddik searches for his own losses until he finds them, and when he does, he goes in search for the losses of others until he finds them as well, eventually finding the losses of the entire world.

Therefore, one must journey to the Sage in order to search for and recognise one’s losses, and to retrieve them from him.

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However, the tzaddik does not return the losses until he makes sure that the person is not an impostor or a liar, as written, “Until the searching of your brother, then return it to him.” (Devarim 22:2) – “until you search your brother that he is not an impostor.” (Bava Metzia 27b).

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The siyatta di’shmeya is astounding, in all this.

As I keep saying, when you really try to ‘connect’ to the Rav by reading his prayers, his teachings, supporting him and his institutions financially – you see all sorts of ‘hints’ all over the place, that the Rav is connecting back to you, too.

(Try it for yourself, if you don’t believe me. To give another example: every time I give a ‘large’ pid for Rav needs, for a specific purpose, I see that ‘specific purpose’ hinted to in that week’s shiurim. Like the time a few years’ back when my husband snapped his tendon playing tennis for the first time in 10 years. It wasn’t healing, we paid a pid – and that week the Rav started talking about ‘only Shuvu Banim play tennis’. BH, his leg is fine today.)

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So, I had a whole discussion about what it means to really ‘describe your lost things’ to the Tzaddik, in order to get them back, and without faking it, with my husband.

Bottom line, if you go and ask for ‘emuna’, or ‘yirat shemayim’, or a billion euros – and you have no idea why you even want that, just you think it’s a ‘nice idea’, or you see someone else with it and think you also should have it – probably, the Tzaddik is not going to give it to you.

Let’s say, you go ask for a coat, a nice Calvin Klein fluffy jacket that you see someone else wearing around Uman.

You hear that there is a ‘Reb Nachman’ who gives nice coats to people, if they can prove it belongs to them. So you go over there, and try your luck.

Yeah, I, er, lost a Calvin Klein coat… Something really expensive…er, and brand new! Literally just out the package!!! Honest guv!

Reb Nachman is not a fool. He’ll ask you stuff like, where did you lose it? How did it feel, when  you were wearing it? What distinguishing marks does it have,  from all the other Calvin Klein fluffy jackets out there?

Some people will continue to fudge and lie – but others will admit that they don’t know. They just want a nice coat.

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Reb Nachman will ask you:

Why do you want a nice coat?

And then, you’ll have to do the work of really trying to explain it.

Because I want to look good… Because I want what other people have… Because my pride is injured that I don’t have a nice coat… Because I’m cold…

At some point in that process, after you’ve discarded all the lies we all tell ourselves, you’ll hit the bedrock, the truth. And if the truth is that you really do need ‘a nice coat’ to do your job in the world – then you’ll get it. And if the truth is that you don’t – you won’t.

But, the beauty of this process is that once you realise having a nice coat is not in alignment with who you really are, you’ll stop wanting one, anyway. And instead, you’ll describe that nice poncho, or sweater, or scarf, that is really you, and really what you need.

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Another point I wanted to make, is that I know a lot of my readers are ‘with the Rav’, which is fantastic – but not always also ‘with Rabbenu’.

And people need both to achieve their tikkun in this world, the easiest, sweetest way possible.

I got to the Rav after years of being with Rabbenu – and I can see how much things got ‘sweetened’ when that happened.

At the same time, when people are with the Rav, but not really with Rabbenu – i.e. they have never been to Uman, and think they are exempt from going because they have the Rav – that’s not correct.

There are some things, many things, even, that you can only find at Rebbe Nachman’s tomb, in Uman.

And if you haven’t been yet, you really need to book your ticket, and to go.

There are organised trips for women, if you’re a woman and scared to go alone. Try Netivim, or Derech Tzaddikim, and they’ll arrange it all for you.

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I am feeling much happier since I went to Uman last week, but still with a lot of bad middot I am trying to work through.

But I got my derech back, my yishuv hadaat, my energy.

A lot of stuff I’d ‘lost’….

Exactly as Rabbenu and the Rav describe, above.

(But still a little grumpy, and working through a lot of ‘angry feelings’… These things can take a lot of time to really get on top of, especially when they bubble up after years of feeling taken for granted and used. BH, said the Rav’s ‘angry’ prayers today and doing much better, but I think I’l have to repeat that process a couple more times, to really move the anger out.)

W.I.P.

(Work in Progress).

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PS: One more thing, is that after all these years of being mocked and ridiculed by various people for being Breslov, and then being with the Rav, I am now entering the age and the stage of life where I can see where these different approaches have led.

Most of the mockers and ridiculers still have awful middot, many if not most of them are divorced, and / or have really horrible relationships with their kids and others, and the health problems that come along with having really bad middot and lots of problems are also multiplying with each passing year.

B’kitzur, the people who jeer at Breslov for being ‘idol worship’, or whatever… the ones I know personally have ended up with really horrible lives.

If that sounds appealing to you, by all means ignore everything I wrote above.

W.I.P….. out.