Continuing the awesome shiur the Rav gave over just before Pesach.

Read part 1 HERE.

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My father-in-law [R Avraham Shaki] bought me an apartment for 3,000 shekels.

After seven years, we sold it for 7,000, and I bought an apartment for 7,500. The whole apartment was just a quarter of this salon, and we had just one bed. Just one bed! I was in yeshiva and she was a teacher at school, only at home during bein hazmanim. That’s how we got married.

And we had a titchy table, with four chairs, and a tiny kitchen, and a tiny bathroom. Afterwards, we sold [the first apartment] for 7,000, and bought for 7,500. This was already a room and a half, we were already rich!

After this, we moved to Rashbam Street, to the apartment of the Steipler. This cost 13,000 [shekels]. What used to be 7,500, I already sold that for 11,000. And then I managed to find another 500 shekel, so then I gave that to R’ Nissim Karelitz. Then, the apartment cost me 13,000, and I was still missing 1,500 shekels.

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The first of Nissan came around, and I entered [the new apartment]. The first of Nissan.

The Steipler left, and he still didn’t have an apartment to go to. [The Steipler said] I am leaving now, the ikker is that you should be in for Pesach.

And the house was the blackest of black. [The Steipler] never whitewashed it, ever. The kitchen was totally black, the bathroom – that’s where they had the [paraffin lamps], everything was lamps. Everything was smoked. It took us a week just to scrape off the soot.

[There were no electric lights back then], just lompim (paraffin lamps).

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For five years, I didn’t use the electricity [on Shabbat].

From 5719 until 5723, four years. I used to keep chumrot (stringencies, above halacha). We didn’t use electricity, we had batteries, and we had lompim. We were Briskers! We used to shecht our own chickens by ourselves, and everything.

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Now, I read about the Ribnitzer, who healed a totally blind man.

Now I read it, before I came here. Just now, they brought me a book from the Ribnitzer. People need to read all the books of the tzaddikim. He healed a boy who was totally blind, and was on the way to having an operation, and he didn’t let them take him.

And the father kidnapped the boy from the Ribnitzer, I think this was in Eretz Yisrael. [The Ribnitzer] was here for six months, and I even got to see him. I saw him from far, I didn’t meet him. I was going to be Breslov, that’s it. I didn’t know anyone, [because during the time] I was a Litvak, I didn’t know anyone. I just went to the Admor of Gur, that’s where I went – as a Litvak.

I said to myself, he’s not really a chassid, he’s a Litvak.

That’s what I told myself. And I went to all of his tisches, I used to travel especially to Jerusalem during bein hazmanim. I went to all of his tisches.

And after that, he used to come to Haifa, for months. This was his bein hazmanim, it was his vacation city, Haifa. I used to come and pray with him, but I saw that there was no dvekut (clinging to Hashem]. He didn’t faint. So, I said, I am leaving Gur, and I went to Chabad.

Then, I saw that on yud tet Kislev everyone was drinking. This didn’t find favour in my eyes, I ran away immediately.

There was a car from Bnei Brak, I returned to Bnei Brak. I went to Satmar, I went here and there, I went to Karlin. In each place, I tried to see if there was some sort of spiritual light, some sort of awakening, some sort of dvekut.

Until Purim came.

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On Purim, I said to the rabbanit: This Purim, Hashem is going to show me the truth.

I was looking for it at every moment. So then, I went to Lelov, the first thing, Lelov [chassidut]. R’ Moshe Mordechai [Biderman], he was the greatest tzaddik of the generation. I left, I dipped in the mikveh after the evening prayers.

There was the street Chazon Ish, there was [the street] Halperin. On Maharshal Street, that is where I used to pray on Shabbat. Five days, I prayed in Volozhin [yeshiva], and on Friday and Shabbat, in [shul on] Chazon Ish. I was like an avreich of the Chazon Ish, I used to sit with the Steipler.

But, I saw that the Litvaks had no warmth. There was no enthusiasm, there was no fire. I was looking for fire! Fire! Fire! To cry out to Hashem! To cry to God!

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Now, he[1] is telling me that the Litvaks don’t pray at all, they just learn Torah.

But stand in your place for three minutes, for Shmoneh Esrei, stand for four hours in Shmoneh Esrei, instead of praying minchah for half a minute. Pray minchah for a minute and a half! Ma’ariv, for five minutes – [instead], pray for ten minutes! Something, in the prayers.

No-one recalls [the greatness] of prayer. This is what I heard now, there was a program about Breslov, that the Rebbe said it’s possible to cry great cries, out loud, with tears.

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So, if a person passes through the mochin de katnut, he can revive the dead.

If he eats the karpas, and retains his mochin, and he doesn’t lose his mochin, [he will merit] to wear karpas clothing (i.e. parsley-green royal robes). The karpas is the ‘lechem oni’, it’s only green, but it will be transformed into karpas: ‘hor, karpas, techeilet’[2] – this is the techeilet of Mordechai.

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[Rav Shmuel Stern now starts to ask the Rav questions.]

R STERN: So what happened on Purim, when the Rav got to Breslov on Purim. What happened, then?

R BERLAND: [In the other places on Purim], there were murderous blows, and I saw just crazy people. So I went to look. I got to Chazon Ish, the corner of Rabbi Akiva [in Bnei Brak]. I’d been by Lelov, but there I saw drunks, and this disgusted me. When I see drunk people, I can’t stand up in that test.

I said to myself, I am getting out of here. I’d been going there for a whole year, I’d been travelling to Lelov. For a whole year! I was really a Lelover. I was a friend of R’ Alter, of R’ Shimon, they were all my chevrutas (learning partners). Everyone had learned in Volozhin [in Bnei Brak].

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There was one man, Ben Baruch.

I lived in Block 5, on Ya’abetz Street, and opposite me, there was the villa of Ben Baruch. He was an engineer, he’d been a general in the Russian army, and when they conquered Berlin, he escaped. A lot of them ran away, but many also returned to Russia. They understood that Russia was the real deal…

[This same Ben Baruch], he hoisted the [Russian] flag over the Reichstag. He was the richest person in Bnei Brak, this person, he was a Lelover chassid, and he took me with him, every motzae Shabbat.

Let’s say it was shkeya (twilight) at 5.50 pm. We’d do havdala at 6,30 pm, then travel to Lelov. It took an hour to get there, or 40 minutes, until Shmuel Shapira St. Shmuel Mohilever Street, 35.

The first thing, I went to Shmuel Shapira.[3] There, Hashem was going to reveal the truth to me.

That’s how I was for a whole year, we used to arrive in the middle of seuda shlishit, and then stay until after melaveh malka, until 11 pm. Then go home. I was already certain that Lelov was the ‘truth’. I was sure.

I used to walk from Bnei Brak on foot until Shmuel Laks, Abba Hillel St, 21. I used to go to him every Shabbat, I would walk two hours on foot, from Rashbam St, first from Shikun 5, and then afterwards from Rashbam St.

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They call this ‘Napoleon’s Hill’.

A person needs to be Napoleon, he needs to be, I told myself. It’s an obligation to be Napoleon, ‘Napoleon’s Hill’. He infused me with a new spirit of life, and energy, and renewed motivation.

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So, I was by Lelov for a whole year, every motzae shabbat.

Let’s say that I would get there by 7.30 pm, until 11 pm. Three and a half hours, at the tisch. There was a tisch for seuda shlishit, and afterwards there was ma’ariv, and that, there was melavah malka.

I thought this was already the peak, this was already ‘the truth’. This is what there is, gomarnu.

But on Purim, I said: This Purim, 5722, I have to discover the truth!

I said to the Rabbanit Tehillah: Now, I am going. I am not coming back to the house until I have found the truth. Purim is such a great light, I have to know where the truth is, if it’s Lelov, or Vizhnitz, or Gur, or Karlin.

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R STERN: Alexander [chassidut] was there too. Did the Rav go to Alexander, there?

R BERLAND: They were in the shul. He was called Yehezkel Alexander, I think. There place was in the shul, because the shul was empty [of Breslovers]. The Breslov shtiebel was empty, so they prayed there, because it was empty. It was empty on Shabbat! On a regular day, they didn’t even have a minyan, only on Shabbat.

So, I got to R’ Akiva St, the corner of Chazon Ish, and I said to myself I am going to find the truth, here. Here, on R’ Akiva, there had to be the ‘truth’.

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I met a few of the chevra from the kollel Chazon Ish.

I used to learn in the Chazon Ish kollel for two days [a week], and they told me, you are looking for something, we can see it in your face. They already knew, that I was searching for something. You know what, if you want to see something good, go to Vizhnitz. You’ll see something at Vizhnitz. They have there a show [on Purim], and everyone is drunk here, and everyone is dancing and jumping, and getting drunk. You’ll see something! It will take you out of the ‘gashmiut’, the searching after ‘gashmiut’.

[The Rav replied]: OK, I’ll go.

So I was on R’ Akiva St., the corner of Chazon Ish. It took me quarter of an hour to get to Volozhin. How am I meant to get there? It was already 11.30 pm.

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R STERN: Was this R’ Moshe?

R BERLAND: Yes. I was already living on Sarah Shnirer St., Shlah St., the corner of Bartenura. R’ Moshe was the rabbi, I went to all of his tisches. I was already going to all of his tisches. On Shabbat, I went to the tisches of R’ Moshe, and on motzae Shabbat, I travelled to Lelov. This was the maximum, already.

R STERN: So, the Rav got to Vizhnitz on Purim?

R BERLAND: Until today, I still didn’t make it to there…

R STERN: So why didn’t the Rav get there, in the end?

R BERLAND. I don’t know. I tried…

R STERN: So how did the Rav get to Breslov, in the end?

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TBC

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

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FOOTNOTES:

[1] It’s unclear who the Rav is referring to.

[2] The white, parsley and blue robes of royalty, in the Purim story.

[3] The Lelover synagogue was at 35, Shmuel Mohilever Street. Shmuel Shapira was a leading Breslov mashpia, and one of the leaders of the previous generation.