A couple of weeks ago, at the Rav, someone gave me this:

==

It was a small card, in the memory of a fallen soldier called Yosef Yehuda Hirak.

He joined the army’s Engineering Corp.

He got married while he was still doing his army service.

And he was killed in Gaza, last year, after being married just seven months, aged 22.

==

The heart bleeds, doesn’t it?

For sensitive people, for mothers, for parents, for wives, children, siblings, grandparents – the heart bleeds.

Here’s what the opposite side of that little card says:

מפנקסו של יוסף יהודה חיראק ז”ל

Here is the extracted Hebrew text:

אבא שבשמים אבא יקר ואהוב! תן לי כח להיות בשמחה תמיד ושלא לפאת את כל הסובבים אותי, תן לי כח להאיר פנים לכל אדם לראות מצלת חברי ולא חסרונם ח”ו, תן לי כח לראות בצין טובה כל דבר, שלא לדון לכף זכות את עצמי ואת חברי, תן לי כח להיות עם הרבה סבלנות וצנווה באיוחד אכשיו הפירונות, תן לי כח להיות קדוש וטהור לכל ארך השירות וגם אחרי, אבא שבשמים, תזכה אותי לפאור את הציניים את המחשבה את הבריות את הלשון ובמיוחד את אולני שיאצאו רק דברי קדושה בא”מ אבא, תן לי כח להיות אופיל ולא אומל עם ברחוני וגם הפסאני, ושלא לקדם שאק בעולם ולא יצא חילול ה’ ח”ו תחת ידי! אבא שבשמים, בבקשה אני אתחנן שתפלח לי את ויווני הקרובה פלי ציכופיים פלי מניאות ושהכל יהיה בנחת ובהבהירות!! אוהב ללא אבול אבדך ובנק הקטן יוסף יהודה

English Translation

From the notebook of Yosef Yehuda Chirak, of blessed memory

Dear Father in Heaven, my beloved Father!

Give me the strength to always be joyful and not to burden those around me. Give me the strength to greet every person with a warm face, to see my friends’ merits and not their faults, God forbid.

Give me the strength to see the good in everything, not to judge myself or my friends favorably only for my own sake. Give me the strength to have great patience and humility, especially now during times of conflict. Give me the strength to be holy and pure throughout my entire service and afterward as well.

Father in Heaven, may You merit me to purify my eyes, my thoughts, my actions, and my speech — and especially that only words of holiness come out of my mouth. Father, give me the strength to be uplifting and not to be a burden to those around me and to those who support me, and that I should not cause shame in the world, and that no desecration of God’s name should come from my hands!

Father in Heaven, I beg and plead with You — help me through my upcoming period, free of anxieties, free of worries, so that everything will go smoothly and clearly!!

With boundless love, Your servant and child, Yosef Yehuda

==

I am tearing up a little, writing this post.

It’s a good sign, dafka, that maybe the emotional numbness I’ve been walking around with months is finally starting to melt a little.

It’s a hint, that maybe, just maybe, the end to this horrible nightmare that began on Simchat Torah three years ago is perhaps drawing to a close.

And that now, we can finally start to feel again, without being totally overwhelmed by the tears and the sadness, of what has happened here, and who has been lost.

==

The Sanzer Rebbe, after the holocaust, said that the best Jews had been taken.

I think that’s playing out here again, to be honest.

I certainly wasn’t writing such awesome prayers to Hashem as Yosef Yehuda, when I was 22.

Anything but.

==

At the same time, we know everything is a tikkun, a spiritual rectification, and that Yosef Yehuda’s soul is now in a very good place, having done what it came to do.

But still, for those of us down here on planet earth still.

It’s painful.