Nobody recognises when they are speaking lashon hara

Excerpt 3, from the Rav’s shiur from last week.

Read parts 1 and 2 by clicking the numbers.


Excerpt 3 of a shiur given by the Rav on 28th Nissan, 5784, after the Ma’ariv prayers

So now, we are [studying the parsha] of Nadav and Avihu.

This by itself could take a whole year.

There are 15 reasons [why Hashem killed them]. That they spoke lashon hara about Moshe. So what was the lashon hara?

They said: Moshe is ascending to shemayim, so we will be the leaders of the generation. Because Moshe is from the old generation, and we are from the new generation.”


The ARI says: Those who entered the land, they weren’t the same people who left Mitzrayim.

The ones who left Mitzrayim were the souls of Leah. They recieved the 10 Commandments.

[But] those who entered the land were ‘Rachel’. Eretz Canaan – Eretz Canaan is ‘Rachel’. Rachel and Leah.[1]

We learn all this from the Etz Chayim, in 68 he explains what the ‘meraglim’ (spies) are, and what the ‘dor de’ah’ is, the generation of the Aretz.

We need to govern the people according to the new mochin (intelligence / perceptions). Moshe is a different mochin.

They didn’t [believe that they were] speaking lashon hara.


But no-one ‘knows’ that they are talking lashon hara.

When a person says lashon hara, he absolutely doesn’t know that he is saying lashon hara. He thinks he’s speaking lashon tov.

And so because of this, there is no geula.

With avoda zara, there was geula.[2] With arayot there were geula. Because a person knows, I did something, I did something bad, I committed adultery, I did something with my sister – so he knows that he did something bad.

And he makes teshuva.

He serves avoda zara – he knows he’s committed a sin.


But with lashon hara – he thinks that this is lashon tov, he thinks it’s the language of doing a mitzvah. And so, he will never make teshuva.

The Gemara says about this, in Yoma 9b, that the former generation, their sins were revealed – and their ‘end’ was revealed.  They knew that they’d worshipped avoda zara, they knew that they’d committed immoral acts.

But the latter generations – this was sinat chinam. Each person was listening to lashon hara, and then he was ‘obligated’ to believe it. Nothing would help him.

The best thing is not to listen at all. If he already heard it – he was lost.

So then, he’d have to go through another 100 reincarnations. And it still wouldn’t help him.


So, it’s the same thing with Eliezer (the servant of Avraham Avinu.)

He was sure that Avraham was wrong. He had no doubt about this.

[How was going to find] One kosher girl amongst a million girls?! How was he going to find her?!

What, he’s going to bring her to a doctor?! What is he doing here?!


Avraham said to him: My angel will go before you.

The first woman you meet – this is the shidduch. Because a man needs to know that the first woman he meets – this is the shidduch!

If he starts looking for other shidduchim, he’s just going to go from the frying pan to the fire. Rav Elya Lopian said this. He told us this in Kfar Chassidim.[3] [He said]: The first woman you meet – close it! The second one – this is already not your wife.


The shidduch is ‘the first one’.

Say some dvar Torah, say something. Don’t just talk nonsense during the meeting, say over a dvar Torah.

And then the shidduch will work. The shidduch will be successful.



[1] The Rav is referring to very deep kabbalistic concepts when he speaks about ‘Rachel and Leah’.

[2] The Rav is now referring to the three cardinal sins that caused the destruction of the First Temple – but where the exile only lasted for 70 years, until the Jews were partially redeemed to their land and the Second Temple was built.

[3] This is the location of the mussar yeshiva that the Rav attended as a young man, located close to Haifa. See One in a Generation Volume I for more details, and also read more about who Rav Elya Lopian actually was, HERE.

0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.