Getting back on the horse

I am sure I’m not the only one who is feeling as though the events of the last couple of weeks has totally blown me out of the water.

I literally feel like I couldn’t think straight since all this started, couldn’t remember stuff, couldn’t really ‘deal’ with things, but of course, still having to do things like make a Purim seuda and host kids who were scared to stay in their panel houses with all the booms going on overhead, with a baby.

The kids returned home two days ago.

I spent a morning in the library, getting back on top of some of my research.

I came home, managed to even make a nice supper, which believe me, is not so straightforward at the moment.

And then, I managed to breathe a bit.

Literally, just to sit in the sun, and to breathe a bit.

And to remember again, life is still good, and all this is going in a good direction, despite how it looks.

==

Last week, after Purim, the Rav gave one of his shiurim after the evening prayers, where I couldn’t catch a lot, but what I did hear, repeatedly was this message:

The whole inyan of Purim is to have an ayin tovah – a good eye.

Because Haman had everything in the world, literally, except for that one pesky Jew who wouldn’t bow down to him, and because of that one ‘fly’ in his ointment – he felt he had nothing.

This is the klipat Haman that we’re all still up against between now and Pesach.

That nagging feeling that ‘life sucks’, just because we can’t do exactly what we want, have exactly what we want, exactly when we want it.

Personally, I’ve been having a big struggle with that, the last two weeks.

==

First week of this latest episode of WAR WITH IRAN, a lot of things were shut down again.

I suddenly had a strange urge to go shopping and to buy a smoothie – and I couldn’t do it.

Mamash, I had Covid lockdown vibes again, and started to feel a bit claustrophobic, miserable and despairing, because how many times are they just going to keep doing this to us all, and nothing can apparently stop them?!?!?

It took me a few days of trying to work things through in my hitbodedut, to understand I was dealing with a big dose of the ‘klipat Haman’, and that the Rav had already pointed out the antidote:

Have an ayin tovah – a good eye.

==

Just keeping seeing the tremendous good in life.

Keep being grateful for all the small and big blessings that literally crowd every day, for every single person.

Can you breathe? Can you see? Can you use your teeth to chew stuff? Can you walk around?

That’s even before we get into all the more gashmi stuff, like a nice, hot shower, a cup of coffee, a crisp, green apple, a yummy butter croissant…

Life is still good, bottom line.

==

But I  have to wake up each day anew, and remind myself about this all over again, at the moment.

There was some big siren in the middle of the night here in Jerusalem yesterday, after two nights of quiet.

You feel some yeoush when that happens, because it feels you are being pulled back into that state of sleep deprivation and engineered ‘panic’.

==

What’s the antidote to all this madness?

Get back on the horse.

Get on with your day, your life.

Sit in the sun and breathe a bit.

Have a ‘good eye’, to notice all the continued blessings in life.

And if you have energy to get a bit deeper, the ‘good eye’ can then look a little further up the road ahead, to understand that some very good things are coming out of all this madness and suffering.

Not least, that the mask is coming of a whole bunch of people, that the ‘idols’ are smashing on all sides of the equation.

And that the real people, you and me, are finally starting to shake off the brainwashing, and to understand there is only God, and God is orchestrating all this to bring people back to Him.

In the kindest, gentlest way possible.

Which is why this is being shmeared across two decades of ‘small wars’ and painful waiting, instead of one short, sharp shock that wouldn’t leave many people standing at the end of it.

==

B’kitzur: get back on the horse.

Get back into ‘life’.

And do your best to have a ‘good eye’ about everything that is going on.

And especially, about your own good self, and all the things you are doing to keep going to put food on the table, serve Hashem, help others, even in the midst of the madness.

==

PS: I’ve been feeling too overwhelmed to translate stuff from the Rav, but hopefully, that is starting to wear off now. I hope to put something up by the end of the week, God willing.

 

3 replies
  1. AK
    AK says:

    Thanks for this post. I have also been feeling the covid vibes. With the new restrictions at the beginning. I kept seeing all these good people running to the shelters, panicking and my feelings went again to pitying them. Also, with the megillah reading, davening in the shuls (shelters), all of those feelings came back. I keep having to remind myself that they are all wonderful Jews who believe they are doing the right thing for themselves and their families. I now really feel much lighter with things and also believe that there is real good coming very quickly. I get the sense that many are fed up with all that has been going on and just want life to continue as normal as possible (whatever that means for each person).

    Reply
  2. adelle
    adelle says:

    thank you for sharing that the rav emphasized the message of purim is to have an ayin tova. the berditchver brings down this same point that mordechai דורש טוב לעמו that mordechai seeks the good in his people, he looks for the good, he looks for the nekudah. this gave me kavanah in those 40 days before purim when we ask to be saved from the kippah of haman amalek and to merit the kedusha of mordechai and esther, that I should emulate mordechai in seeing the good. back in 2019, the year תשע״ט it struck me the rashei teivos were תהא שנת עין טובה that it should be a year of seeing the good and I wondered what was to come in תש״פ 2020. we know the world turned upside down and here we are 6 years later and it’s the same “stay home save lives” fear playbook just copy paste fake virus for fake iran. maybe the answer to my question of moving from the decade of ע which is the word עין eye to the decade of פ which is פה mouth, speech is found in that same pasuk in the megilah:
    כי׀ מרדכי היהודי משנה למלך אחשורוש וגדול ליהודים
    ורצוי לרב אחיו
    דרש טוב לעמו
    ודבר שלום לכל־זרעו

    דורש טוב
    דובר שלום
    he seeks good and speaks shalom, everlasting peace and wholeness… maybe it’s really mastering azamra that brings true redemption.

    Reply

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