Rav Berland reminisces – Part 4

The concluding part of R Berland’s translated remarks.

Read part 1 HERE, part 2 HERE and part 3 HERE.

Enjoy!

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R STERN: Does the Rav want to add something else for the public?

R BERLAND: Not really, just that I waited for half an hour, I waited there, in the Breslov yeshiva [in Bnei Brak, on Purim night]. And I didn’t see anything. I didn’t see ‘simcha’, I didn’t see dancing, I saw nothing.

R STERN: And the Rav was leafing through Likutey Moharan, in the meantime?

R BERLAND: Yes, and I didn’t understand a word. I still remember it, today. Until today, I still don’t understand it, ‘to join the ‘het’ with the ‘nun’. The Biur Likutim explains that when you join the ‘het’ to the ‘nun’, you get ‘taf’. But the kooshia (difficulty) remains a kooshia.

What do I have to do, with a ‘het’ and a ‘nun’?

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This is not Ketzot HaHoshen, and this is not hilchot Shabbat, and not hilchot tefilla. How did we get to this ‘het’ and ‘nun’?

‘Het’ is chochma, (wisdom), and ‘nun’ is anava (humility). I didn’t understand anything. I tried to understand, I said, let me try a different Torah lesson. I sat there quarter of an hour, with that Torah lesson, I tried different things, to try to understand what was written there, but I didn’t succeed to understand anything.

Even today, I don’t understand this Torah lesson, ‘to join the ‘het’ with the ‘nun’. In the Biur Halikutim, is says you will get the letter ‘taf’. OK, 8 (het) times 50 (nun), equals [400, the gematria of] ‘taf’. But it remains a kooshia.

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So then I was in tohu v’ bohu, trying to understand this Torah lesson, and there was only some light from downstairs, from the room downstairs.

This was turned into the room where they give shiurim, and a minyan of Gur chassidim were there. I used to pray with Yankele together, Yankele was one of my chassidim.

R STERN: [Yankele] Galinsky?[1]

R BERLAND: Yankele of Gur, Yankele Galinsky. He didn’t move over to Breslov, he had no affinity at all for Breslov, even though his father-in-law was Breslov. His FIL was Chaim Binyamin, he married his daughter, but he was a Litvak, and he remained a Litvak.

He used to tell jokes. I heard one of his shiurim once, and it didn’t find favour in my eyes. Way too many jokes. I was looking for something deep, something, some new idea, not jokes, that give you a stomach ache.

I still remember today, that you needed  a stomach ache, in order to cry out “Hashem, rescue me!!!”

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R STERN: So, what does the Rav say about the zchut of Nachman Rosenthal? What is his zchut? [That he brought the Rav into Breslov.]

R BERLAND: If not for him, I wouldn’t have drawn near [to Breslov].

I got to Breslov [the yeshiva] at 12 at night, and I didn’t see anything. I opened a Likutey Moharan, I didn’t understand anything. What am I meant to understand, here? What do I have to do, with a ‘het’ and a ‘nun’?! Even today, I still don’t understand this. How did we get to the ‘het’ and how did we get to the ‘nun’?

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[Rebbe Nachman says in this lesson 1:1:] Don’t be like Esav, who put his heart into exile. Be like Yaakov.

How am I going to be like Yaakov?! I know that to be like Yaakov, you have to learn a lot of the Ketzot HaChoshen, and now, I’m also learning Likutey Halachot, but I didn’t see anything.

So, [R Nachman Rosenthal, the Breslov mashgiach in Bnei Brak], he told me something that I’d never heard before, in my whole life. I’d never heard something like this, only crazy people did things like this.

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R STERN: So what did he say?

R BERLAND: He said that we need to go out to the field and cry out.

That now, he’d only just got there, he’d only just got [to the yeshiva on Purim night] now [in order to wake up the boys and take them to do hitbodedut in the fields near by.]

He was Breslov from the day he was born, his father was Breslov. R Moshe [Arieh], R Moshe knew the whole SHAS, all the Rishonim. He just learnt the Rishonim and the Acharonim. In his life, he never uttered a pointless word.

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But Breslov back then, didn’t know how to bring people closer [i.e. do kiruv].

They didn’t have someone to do kiruv. The only person doing kiruv was R Natan Liebermensch. He brought people closer.

R STERN: In Immanuel[2]? He was in Immanuel, at the beginning?

R BERLAND:He still wasn’t in Immanuel. He used to live in Bnei Brak, he used to live opposite the Kollel Chazon Ish, Alsheich St.

R STERN: So the Rav came to him for the first shiur [on Breslov teachings] and I heard that the Rav cried throughout the whole shiur ?

R BERLAND: Yes, he was a wondrous man. He was a wonderful man.

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R STERN: Was the Rav very affected by his shiur, by that first shiur?

R BERLAND: He just simply used to cry, during his prayers. He used to cry.

R STERN: No, I heard that it was the Rav who cried ?

R BERLAND: I also cried! When I got there, the [paraffin] lamp exploded, the whole lamp blew up. Suddenly, the whole house was on fire. The whole room downstairs was on fire, everyone ran away.

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R STERN: This happened during his shiur?

R BERLAND: No, this was during kabbalat shabbat, Lecha Dodi. R Nachman Rosenthal told me to come, that I would see things that I’d never seen before in my life.

And then, the lamp exploded above my head.

(Now, rockets are also exploding over my head…) My head was nearly set on fire. I was in the middle of the Shmoneh Esrei. I said to myself, I am not moving, even if everything goes up in fire. Maybe, this is fire from ‘above’, I don’t know.

I had no idea that the lamp had just exploded. Suddenly, the Aron HaKodesh was on fire, but only externally, not on the inside. [I.e. the Torah scrolls were safe]. The lamp exploded, it was a [paraffin wax] candle, it splashed on the Aron HaKodesh. I was standing next to the Aron HaKodesh, and I was suddenly surrounded by flames, totally surrounded by fire.

I didn’t know where to try to escape to, maybe to Dimona, to [missing in original]. Where could I escape to?

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Back then, there was still not ‘Dimona’. [I.e. it hadn’t been built yet].

I travelled to Dimona to make a shidduch from someone, and there was nothing there. There just […] there. In the end, they kicked them out, there was nothing there.

And everything was on fire, and I didn’t move. I didn’t care, if I’d get burnt, I just didn’t care. I’d achieved such dvekut, in my life, I’d never had dvekut like this. Everything was burning, yallah, let it burn! Until they found some non-Jew, it had already burnt itself out.

Today, there is a ‘shabbos goy’ on every corner, but [back then in Bnei Brak] they went to look for a shabbos goy at the edge of Bnei Brak, I don’t know, maybe on Chazon Ish St, or on R Akiva St. I think it burnt itself out.

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R STERN: So, the Rav stayed there

R BERLAND: We are staying – until today, we are staying there.

R STERN: And when did the Rav hear R Natan Liebermensch? When did the Rav hear him? Was that at the beginning?

R BERLAND: No, Shabbat evening [the Rav saw how R Liebermensch was praying the friday night prayers.] After that, I came to seuda shlishit.

R STERN: And that’s when he spoke?

R BERLAND: Yes. When he spoke, it was like tongues of flame. When he would speak, it was like your free choice got nullified, it mamash nullified your free will. It wasn’t just stam a shiur, a something.

R STERN: I got to hear him when he was in Immanuel.

R BERLAND: This is very important, yes, wonderful. I used to come to Immanuel to give over shiurim, for a year or two, I would come. Every Thursday, I would come to Immanuel to give a shiur, between mincha and ma’ariv.

R STERN: Yes, he told me that the Rav used to come.

R BERLAND: People used to run to come and hear me, because when they heard me, it was something else entirely. I’d already passed through being “Litvish”, I’d gone through that.

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R STERN: I heard that the Rav used to give a shiur for a few hours, there ?

R BERLAND: Yes, I could give an eight hour shiur. I used to give a shiur for eight hours.

R STERN: How many hours did you used to do there? [In Immanuel].

R BERLAND: I used to start the shiur, let’s say, at 6pm in the evening, and finish it at 12 at night. Or start at 12am and finish at 6pm. Every shiur was six hours. Every shiur [included] the whole Gemara, all the Tosfot, all the Midrash Rabba, all the Zohar.

I used to put everything in.

R STERN: Also here [in Jerusalem], in front of Ohr Someach, the Rav used to give shiurim for hours at a time, for whole nights, also on Thursdays.

R BERLAND: Yes, in Ohr Someach there was a matnas (meeting hall), everyone drew closer, everyone who was in the matnas came closer. Each  night, I’d start at 10pm and finish at 6am in the morning. People went out of their minds.

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R STERN: HaRav, where did you get the strength to do things like this?

R BERLAND: (Jokingly) I used to drink a lot of whiskey… It’s the internal fire. It’s the fire of the Torah.

We need to kindle the inner fire.

People are dati (religious), but they are have no inner fire. This is all ‘doing a mitzvah because we were taught to do it.’ The Abba told them, the Imma told them – but they don’t have the inner fire!

R STERN: I have to publicise this conversation, especially what the Rav is saying now.

R BERLAND: The inner fire!

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I heard ‘save me, from the klipat Haman Amalek’, and it grabbed me, even until now.

To get out of this klipa, this lust. And afterwards, to have the merit of ‘kedushat Mordechai and Esther’, that we should leave all the lusts behind, totally. [Like] Mordechai and Esther.

So now, a child dies, chas v’shalom, your wife passes away, they throw you out of the apartment, and you don’t know what to do. I don’t have an apartment, I have nothing. You have no-where to live, you have no parents [to help you], you have nothing.

Your parents have a small flat, where would you live, there? So, [the ikker, main thing] is to get past the karpas. This is the ikker! And then, you will merit, in the merit of getting through the karpas, to being able to revive the dead!

You can do miracles!

The ikker is to get past the karpas.

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Because after Adam HaRishon cried out that there was no din and no dayan, he ate from the Tree of Knowledge.

And he denied Hashem. He believed the snake. The snake said that Hashem ate from this Tree of Knowledge. All the kofrim (non-believers) ask what came before Hashem? So, the snake settled the argument. The snake found the solution to the riddle, [i.e. that the Tree of Knowledge came before Hashem].

He ate from the tree, then created the whole world! That’s what Rashi explains [that the snake said to Adam].

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R STERN: So the karpas [is made up of the letters] ‘samech’, and peh-resh-chaf sofit. In other words, we have to get past the ‘samech’ – peh-resh-chaf sofit.[3]

R BERLAND: A person’s thoughts are what torment him.

The tortures that they do to him [externally] – all of this suffering, he can withstand it. But his thoughts – they torment him. This is how it is.

Suddenly, he finds out someone stole from him, or there was a Shoah, why was their a massacre at Simchat Torah? Everyone is asking this, still today, why were 1,500 innocent, righteous, holy, pure young people killed on Simchat Torah?!

Ultimately, they went to dance with champagne, they went, they did things they shouldn’t have, they brought a statue of the Buddha there, and danced around the Buddha. And this was instead of ‘Simchat TORAH’.

They called this a mega-terrorist attack, a ‘mega pigua’.

There were 15,000 young people there, like that. If only they had come to dance with a Sefer Torah, even the most chiloni would have come to dance with the Sefer Torah.

R STERN: Rashi says on Kohelet that ‘simcha’, it’s end is sadness. That is what Rashi says on Kohelet, that this sort of simcha ends with sadness.

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R BERLAND: They were meant to have finished [the Nova party] at 4.30 am.

They said no, let’s wait for the sunrise. The dawn is connected to a different type of avodah zara. They see the sun, and they bow to it. They kneel down and bow to it, this is a type of avodah zara in India, to bow to the sun.

The terrorists came at 6.30 am.

If they’d left at 4.30 am, no-one would have been killed. The terrorists came at 6.30 am. Everything was from shemayim. Now, everyone is in Gan Eden – but we wanted them here in this world. We are fighting that people will stay in this world [i.e. alive].

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[Returning to the initial discussion about the ‘gadlut rishon’, re: the Seder night, at the very beginning of the shiur.]

R STERN: So, HaRav, entering in to the ‘first gadlut’, what are we meant to learn from this?

R BERLAND: The ‘first gadlut’, you are within ‘greatness’, each person is in gadlut. You see that you are really feeling Hashem [that Hashem is with you], you have a feeling.

R STERN: And with this feeling, you need to traverse the karpas?

R BERLAND: You have to pass through the karpas, yes.

Why do they give you this ‘greatness’ at the beginning? So that you can pass through the karpas (i.e. the very difficult trials and experiences). Because when you are within katnut – you! – it’s impossible to get through the karpas.

There are so many kooshiot, why is it like this, why is it like that? Why was there a Shoah? Why was there a massacre on Simchat Torah? Why is like this now, why is it like that?

These torments – the brain is deformed by all these kooshiot, these are the very worse tortures.

You are entering into kooshiot that bring you horrible torments – and that’s when you need the mochin de gadlut.

[To know that] Everything is nonsense.

There is still Hashem.

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

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FOOTNOTES:

[1] Yakele Galinsky was a mohel, even under the Communists, and risked his life to perform secret circumcisions, including on one notable occasion, for a leading communist who was a Jew. The Rav refers to this story often.

[2] An chassidic yishuv in the Shomron.

[3] I don’t know what R Stern is trying to say here, I’m just translating the simple meaning of the words.

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Rav Berland reminisces – Part 3

Continuing the awesome shiur.

Read part 1 HERE, and part 2 HERE.

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R STERN: So how did the Rav get to Breslov, in the end?

R BERLAND: I will tell you what happened. There was a puncture during the drive, exactly between Chazon Ish St. and R’ Akiva St, on the way to Volozhin. Breslov [the yeshiva] was there, in the middle. There’s this little yeshiva, kids aged 14, and I learned in Volozhin, which was opposite it, mamash, opposite it.

This was after Volozhin, it was already called ‘Breslov St.’ I didn’t have the strength to continue, I was tired, and I was already exhausted, and all the air had come out of me, already, from the tires, from the balloons [because of the Rav’s disappointment with Purim at the Lelover shul].

I was totally and utterly finished.

I said to myself, I’ll go in here to Breslov, to rest for quarter of an hour, and then I’ll continue to Vizhnitz. Until today, I still haven’t managed to get there [to Vizhnitz.]

I went in for quarter of an hour, and I stayed until today.

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After a quarter of an hour – and in my life, I’d never seen a Likutey Moharan, in my life, I hadn’t seen one, I didn’t even know how it looked like, I hadn’t seen it, I didn’t know about it.

I knew about Vizhnitz, I knew Gur, I knew the Sfat Emet, I knew Lelov – but Breslov? I didn’t even know that it existed.

I knew there was some yeshiva with 14 kids, each kid was 14 years old, and this didn’t interest me at all. Breslov simply didn’t attract me.

But then, I was already tired. And I was exhausted.

What can an exhausted man do? I was 24 years old then, just 24, but the strength had already left me. Tov, I said to myself, let’s go into the Breslov yeshiva. I remember still today, I opened the Likutey Moharan, and I didn’t understand a word.

[In Torah 1:1, Rebbe Nachman says]: ‘to join the ח with the נ .’

Until today, I still don’t understand what it means, what is the ‘het’, what is the ‘nun’? What does the het have to do with the nun?! I’m a Litvak, I was learning Ketzot HaChoshen, I’m learning Gemara, Netivot HaMishpat, Takfu Kohen. Where is the ‘het’ and the ‘nun’?!

How does this go together? How did the ‘het’ and the ‘nun’ fall into all this? The Biur HaLikutim says to multiply the ‘het’ by the ‘nun’, and then you’ll get [the numerical value of] ‘taf’.

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Tov, I sat there like that, for quarter of an hour, tohu v’ bohu, trying to get my strength back, in order to go to Vizhnitz.

Until today, I’m still trying to get to Vizhnitz, I still didn’t give up…

And it was already approaching 1am, I got there at 12.30am, plus another quarter of an hour. At 1am, Nachman Rosenthal arrived. Yechezkel [Rosenthal] is here now, his son. He has seven sons, and now a daughter, after seven sons he merited to have a daughter.

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Sarah, was the wife of Micah Zonenshine…

They were the first ones to draw close [to the Rav and Shuvu Banim]. The moment we got to Jerusalem, 5742 (1982), she was already on the way to Columbia. Then suddenly, someone switched the ticket, and she travelled to Eretz Yisrael, and that’s where she discovered Shuvu Banim.

Straight away, we married her to Micah Zonenshine. [At the beginning] Micah Zonenshine used to show up in short trousers, in Meah Shearim he was was walking around in shorts.

He was looking for something, he was also looking for something.

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He came with short pants, and a top. How was he going to be let into a synagogue here? They kicked him out.

What, why are you coming here with shorts?! What?! He was walking around and around like that, in Meah Shearim, and he got to the shul.

He saw that it was written ‘Breslov’, he had no idea what ‘Breslov’ was. He didn’t know if he should go in, or not – maybe, they would just kick him out? Someone said to him, yallah, go in! Someone else said to him, no! I don’t know who it was, who this person was.

The moment he entered, he saw that they were praying with dvekut, with songs and niggunim, and he had no idea that such a thing even existed.

He didn’t know! It really caught at his heart, the niggunim and the prayers with dvekut. He’d never seen something like this in his life, before.

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Afterwards, someone said to him come to the Kotel, now.

They took him from the shul to the Kotel. Now, I am going to show you a yeshiva, that you’ve never seen something like it. The Shuvu Banim yeshiva. Back then, all the yeshivas [of Shuvu Banim] were only located by the Kotel. Then, the children grew so then we moved to here. When the children were small, we lived in the Rova [Jewish Quarter of the Old City].

Someone brought him [Micah] to the Kotel [to the Shvuu Banim yeshiva in the Old City] – he saw something that he’d never seen before, in his life.

People, all of them baalei teshuvas, everyone had left all the nonsense behind, already. He said, now, I’m also going to leave behind all the nonsense!

He informed his father that he had decided to make teshuva.

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He went back to Eilat, and his father fainted on the spot.

Tov. He bought him a new car for half a million. His father was a millionaire, a billionaire, his father. I wanted to go to his levoya (funeral), because they told me he’d already made teshuva, after he saw that his son was right.

Tov. He [Micah Zonenshine] sat in the car [that his father had just bought for him].

He said, what can a car really do for me? What, I’m going to go after the car? I’ve already seen the truth! The truth has already been revealed to me, I already discovered the truth.

He drove the car back to his house, and to his father, until the house where he used to live, there he used to sleep. He took the car keys and threw them up to the second floor, on to the mirpesset (balcony), so his father would be able to find the keys on the mirpesset. And then, he got on a bus back to Jerusalem.

And after a month, we married him to her, to the girl from Columbia.

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R STERN: So, what happened with the Rav at 1pm, on Breslov St. with R’ Nachman Rosenthal?

R BERLAND: Nachman drove me totally crazy. He made me go crazy, until today.

I asked him, why is it so quiet here? [in the yeshiva, on the night of Purim]. I was expecting the drunks, I was waiting for the ‘happy people’ on Purim – but here, it was all dead. It looked like it was completely dead. Deathly quiet, like they… had killed everyone off, here. It’s 1am, where are the drunks?

In Hevron, they opened the winery.

Everyone asked, what is going on, in Hevron? What is going on in Ponevezh? They opened the winery at 12am, everyone drank a barrel, everyone got drunk, everyone was dancing, everyone was jumping.

They said to me, come, you will see happiness like you’ve never seen it before, in your life!

But I was looking for something internal, from the heart, not drunks. Drunks didn’t interest me, ever.

They told me go to Ponevezh, go to Hevron.

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He [R Nachman Rosenthal] told me, listen: I came here to wake up the chevra. He was telling me a fairy tale, a fantasy, I didn’t know.

[He continued] Here, we are now going, I am going with everyone to the field. There, 14 chevra are going to cry out ‘Save us from the klipa of Haman Amalek!!!’ And everyone cries out like crazy people, ‘Save us from the klipa of Haman Amalek!!!’ And after that, ‘Merit us to have the kedusha of Mordechai and Esther!!!’

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I said to myself, this is what I’ve been looking for!

This is what Hashem has revealed to me, this Purim, to escape from the ‘klipat Haman Amalek’! How do you get away from this klipah of Haman Amalek? The Litvaks don’t escape from it, and neither do the Gerrers. All of them remain stuck in this klipah.

I said to myself, here, is the truth.

I said, I will wait until they come back from the field. But I’d already been awake for two nights in a row, I’d been awake. And the morning prayers started at 5am, because 5.45am was netz. I said to myself, tov, I will go and come back again. It was already 3am.

But then I forgot. As soon as I left there, I forgot about it all, and I continued to learn in Chazon Ish.

==

I don’t remember if it was the Friday of that same week, or the Friday of the week afterwards. That was the 14th Adar, it was a Tuesday, and on the Friday afterwards, the 15, 16, 17, Friday was the 17th. I don’t know if it was the 17th [of Adar] or the 24th.

I’d already forgotten all about it.

Everything had escaped my mind. It was such a big light, I’d seen such amazing truth, but I went back to learning Ketzot HaHoshen, Netivot, what did I have to do, with such things? ‘Save me, from the klipat Haman Amalek!!!’ Save me, from this! Kedushat Mordechai and Esther!

==

So, I came out of the Kollel Chazon Ish, it was 3pm, on Friday afternoon, and I crossed Maharshal St., and afterwards, Bartenura. After that, HaRav Dessler, and from HaRav Dessler I got to Chazon Ish Street. The ikker is Chazon Ish, it’s [missing in the original].

I was walking a little further on, another 100 metres towards the direction of Baal Shem Tov street, from Dessler there is the Baal Shem Tov.

Suddenly, I met R’ Nachman Rosenthal again.

He said to me where were you? Where did you disappear to? You told me that you were going to stay until vatikin, but you disappeared! You promised me you would come!

A week, or half a week, had already gone past. I told him I will come now. He said to me, are you making fun of me? What do you mean, ‘now’?! Go and think about it, yishuv ha’daat.

I said, no, now.

I’d been waiting for that moment, that someone would ‘call’ me, and until today, I am still stuck there. I don’t know, I wanted Vizhnitz. I wanted Karlin.

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R STERN: So, what did the Rav say to the Steipler? Did the Rav tell the Steipler that he was drawing closer to Breslov?

R BERLAND: I told the Steipler that I was yearning to become Breslov. If he was prepared to guarantee me…

R STERN: Wait a moment, after how much time did the Rav tell the Steipler that he was going to be Breslov?

R BERLAND: After a year. I learned with him every day, I couldn’t tell him immediately.

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R STERN: So then, the Rav came to the Steipler, and what did the Rav say to him?

R BERLAND: That I’d decided to become Breslov? No. I asked him, if he could get me out of gehinnom. If he was prepared to promise me, then I would stay with him. He told me, something like this, I can’t promise. He was a man of truth, he didn’t entertain fantasies. To take someone out of gehinnom and take them into Gan Eden, this is something only the Rebbe [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov] can promise.

I said to him, that if he couldn’t guarantee me that [I would go to someone who could].

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R STERN: HaRav, can I print this conversation? Can I print it?

R BERLAND: Yes, print it, and publicise it for Seder Night, for Pesach.

R STERN: Does the Rav want to add something else for the public?

TBC

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

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There is one more segment to translate of the first shiur, which I will try to do today, and upload the whole thing here as a PDF, together with that passage about the nun and chet from Rabbenu’s Likutey Moharan, Lesson I.

It’s really awesome stuff, for so many reasons.

The basic story of how the Rav came close to Breslov is also told in OIAG 1, but this is the first time that the Rav has given over the whole story in his own words. It’s v. inspiring, for a whole bunch of reasons.

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Back to the Moon…

Great, how in the middle of our current ‘WAR WITH IRAN’ how the US is finally going back to the moon…

Isn’t it?

My daughter sent me this (if it whites out, it’s a short discussing one of the recent pictures of earth ‘from outer space’, taken from Artemis II, and it’s shmirat eynayim friendly:

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In the same vein, take a look at this:

@holistichealthnut33

#greenscreenvideo #firmament #dome #falcon9 #spacex

♬ Beethoven Moonlight Sonata-High Sound Quality – Amemiya

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Of course, this guy must be a stark, raving lunatic to even question how Artemis II could take the exact same picture of the earth, 12 hours apart, showing the exact same details, down to the exact same cloud formations.

Of course.

And of course, he also must be a stark, raving lunatic for wondering how the moon is appearing super-tiny from Artemis II, when they are ‘half way there’, when it appears so much bigger from any location you view it back here on earth.

Of course.

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Ah, all these ‘conspiracy theorists’ spreading ‘fake news’ around, what has the world come to?

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After I watched that video of the Rabbi Shimon song, included again here, I decided I had to get back to Meron for a visit.

We went there, and to the Ari, and to a couple other Kivrei Tzaddikim, and I came back feeling happier than I’ve been feeling for a long time.

Yes, the world is mad and going madder.

But also yes, we do have tzaddikim, mostly dead, but some still alive, like Rav Berland, who are literally moving mountains for us in ways we don’t understand, and even with all the madness, the scope of the miracles occurring here in Israel is tremendous.

So many bombs, so many attempts to kill Jews in great numbers, God forbid – and while every death is a loss, the bottom line is that that for all the fire Eretz Yisrael is absorbing from ‘Iran’, our casualties are very, very low.

More people are being injured and even killed running to the safe rooms, than from any rockets themselves.

==

Like you, I wish this was over already.

Like you, I really have no idea what is actually happening.

But, hopefully also like you, I am clinging on to Hashem and our True Tzaddikim, to get this turned around, hopefully sooner rather than later.

The Rav said last week, that our help is going to come from a very unexpected quarter, like when the sea split for Am Yisrael, when Pharoah was pursuing them.

Who knows, what miracles Hashem is going to pull out of His pocket for us – as long as we don’t give up, don’t give in to the yeoush that we are all feeling, at least occasionally, and just keep taking every opportunity to live our lives to the full, especially spiritually, in every way we are currently able to do that.

==

BH, the sea will split for us soon, in whichever way God is orchestrating all this.

But in the meantime, don’t be scared to get out again, and go places.

If God wants to kill us, we don’t need to stay at home, glued to a bomb shelter, for that to happen…

God forbid.

==

Israel is so green at the moment, full of wild flowers, and literally blossoming, from all the rain.

Get out, and enjoy it.

And if you need some inspiration for where to go, try this:

https://hikingintheholyland.com/

==

I’m going back to translating more of the Rav now.

It’s very uplifting, and awesome information. And it shows that it’s never been easy to live in Eretz Yisrael, or to be a sincerely believing Jew.

It’s a test.

A big, life-long test.

And we fall down again and again and again.

That’s OK.

Just, remember to stand back up again, and move forward.

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Rav Berland reminisces – Part 2

Continuing the awesome shiur the Rav gave over just before Pesach.

Read part 1 HERE.

==

My father-in-law [R Avraham Shaki] bought me an apartment for 3,000 shekels.

After seven years, we sold it for 7,000, and I bought an apartment for 7,500. The whole apartment was just a quarter of this salon, and we had just one bed. Just one bed! I was in yeshiva and she was a teacher at school, only at home during bein hazmanim. That’s how we got married.

And we had a titchy table, with four chairs, and a tiny kitchen, and a tiny bathroom. Afterwards, we sold [the first apartment] for 7,000, and bought for 7,500. This was already a room and a half, we were already rich!

After this, we moved to Rashbam Street, to the apartment of the Steipler. This cost 13,000 [shekels]. What used to be 7,500, I already sold that for 11,000. And then I managed to find another 500 shekel, so then I gave that to R’ Nissim Karelitz. Then, the apartment cost me 13,000, and I was still missing 1,500 shekels.

==

The first of Nissan came around, and I entered [the new apartment]. The first of Nissan.

The Steipler left, and he still didn’t have an apartment to go to. [The Steipler said] I am leaving now, the ikker is that you should be in for Pesach.

And the house was the blackest of black. [The Steipler] never whitewashed it, ever. The kitchen was totally black, the bathroom – that’s where they had the [paraffin lamps], everything was lamps. Everything was smoked. It took us a week just to scrape off the soot.

[There were no electric lights back then], just lompim (paraffin lamps).

==

For five years, I didn’t use the electricity [on Shabbat].

From 5719 until 5723, four years. I used to keep chumrot (stringencies, above halacha). We didn’t use electricity, we had batteries, and we had lompim. We were Briskers! We used to shecht our own chickens by ourselves, and everything.

==

Now, I read about the Ribnitzer, who healed a totally blind man.

Now I read it, before I came here. Just now, they brought me a book from the Ribnitzer. People need to read all the books of the tzaddikim. He healed a boy who was totally blind, and was on the way to having an operation, and he didn’t let them take him.

And the father kidnapped the boy from the Ribnitzer, I think this was in Eretz Yisrael. [The Ribnitzer] was here for six months, and I even got to see him. I saw him from far, I didn’t meet him. I was going to be Breslov, that’s it. I didn’t know anyone, [because during the time] I was a Litvak, I didn’t know anyone. I just went to the Admor of Gur, that’s where I went – as a Litvak.

I said to myself, he’s not really a chassid, he’s a Litvak.

That’s what I told myself. And I went to all of his tisches, I used to travel especially to Jerusalem during bein hazmanim. I went to all of his tisches.

And after that, he used to come to Haifa, for months. This was his bein hazmanim, it was his vacation city, Haifa. I used to come and pray with him, but I saw that there was no dvekut (clinging to Hashem]. He didn’t faint. So, I said, I am leaving Gur, and I went to Chabad.

Then, I saw that on yud tet Kislev everyone was drinking. This didn’t find favour in my eyes, I ran away immediately.

There was a car from Bnei Brak, I returned to Bnei Brak. I went to Satmar, I went here and there, I went to Karlin. In each place, I tried to see if there was some sort of spiritual light, some sort of awakening, some sort of dvekut.

Until Purim came.

==

On Purim, I said to the rabbanit: This Purim, Hashem is going to show me the truth.

I was looking for it at every moment. So then, I went to Lelov, the first thing, Lelov [chassidut]. R’ Moshe Mordechai [Biderman], he was the greatest tzaddik of the generation. I left, I dipped in the mikveh after the evening prayers.

There was the street Chazon Ish, there was [the street] Halperin. On Maharshal Street, that is where I used to pray on Shabbat. Five days, I prayed in Volozhin [yeshiva], and on Friday and Shabbat, in [shul on] Chazon Ish. I was like an avreich of the Chazon Ish, I used to sit with the Steipler.

But, I saw that the Litvaks had no warmth. There was no enthusiasm, there was no fire. I was looking for fire! Fire! Fire! To cry out to Hashem! To cry to God!

==

Now, he[1] is telling me that the Litvaks don’t pray at all, they just learn Torah.

But stand in your place for three minutes, for Shmoneh Esrei, stand for four hours in Shmoneh Esrei, instead of praying minchah for half a minute. Pray minchah for a minute and a half! Ma’ariv, for five minutes – [instead], pray for ten minutes! Something, in the prayers.

No-one recalls [the greatness] of prayer. This is what I heard now, there was a program about Breslov, that the Rebbe said it’s possible to cry great cries, out loud, with tears.

==

So, if a person passes through the mochin de katnut, he can revive the dead.

If he eats the karpas, and retains his mochin, and he doesn’t lose his mochin, [he will merit] to wear karpas clothing (i.e. parsley-green royal robes). The karpas is the ‘lechem oni’, it’s only green, but it will be transformed into karpas: ‘hor, karpas, techeilet’[2] – this is the techeilet of Mordechai.

==

[Rav Shmuel Stern now starts to ask the Rav questions.]

R STERN: So what happened on Purim, when the Rav got to Breslov on Purim. What happened, then?

R BERLAND: [In the other places on Purim], there were murderous blows, and I saw just crazy people. So I went to look. I got to Chazon Ish, the corner of Rabbi Akiva [in Bnei Brak]. I’d been by Lelov, but there I saw drunks, and this disgusted me. When I see drunk people, I can’t stand up in that test.

I said to myself, I am getting out of here. I’d been going there for a whole year, I’d been travelling to Lelov. For a whole year! I was really a Lelover. I was a friend of R’ Alter, of R’ Shimon, they were all my chevrutas (learning partners). Everyone had learned in Volozhin [in Bnei Brak].

==

There was one man, Ben Baruch.

I lived in Block 5, on Ya’abetz Street, and opposite me, there was the villa of Ben Baruch. He was an engineer, he’d been a general in the Russian army, and when they conquered Berlin, he escaped. A lot of them ran away, but many also returned to Russia. They understood that Russia was the real deal…

[This same Ben Baruch], he hoisted the [Russian] flag over the Reichstag. He was the richest person in Bnei Brak, this person, he was a Lelover chassid, and he took me with him, every motzae Shabbat.

Let’s say it was shkeya (twilight) at 5.50 pm. We’d do havdala at 6,30 pm, then travel to Lelov. It took an hour to get there, or 40 minutes, until Shmuel Shapira St. Shmuel Mohilever Street, 35.

The first thing, I went to Shmuel Shapira.[3] There, Hashem was going to reveal the truth to me.

That’s how I was for a whole year, we used to arrive in the middle of seuda shlishit, and then stay until after melaveh malka, until 11 pm. Then go home. I was already certain that Lelov was the ‘truth’. I was sure.

I used to walk from Bnei Brak on foot until Shmuel Laks, Abba Hillel St, 21. I used to go to him every Shabbat, I would walk two hours on foot, from Rashbam St, first from Shikun 5, and then afterwards from Rashbam St.

==

They call this ‘Napoleon’s Hill’.

A person needs to be Napoleon, he needs to be, I told myself. It’s an obligation to be Napoleon, ‘Napoleon’s Hill’. He infused me with a new spirit of life, and energy, and renewed motivation.

==

So, I was by Lelov for a whole year, every motzae shabbat.

Let’s say that I would get there by 7.30 pm, until 11 pm. Three and a half hours, at the tisch. There was a tisch for seuda shlishit, and afterwards there was ma’ariv, and that, there was melavah malka.

I thought this was already the peak, this was already ‘the truth’. This is what there is, gomarnu.

But on Purim, I said: This Purim, 5722, I have to discover the truth!

I said to the Rabbanit Tehillah: Now, I am going. I am not coming back to the house until I have found the truth. Purim is such a great light, I have to know where the truth is, if it’s Lelov, or Vizhnitz, or Gur, or Karlin.

==

R STERN: Alexander [chassidut] was there too. Did the Rav go to Alexander, there?

R BERLAND: They were in the shul. He was called Yehezkel Alexander, I think. There place was in the shul, because the shul was empty [of Breslovers]. The Breslov shtiebel was empty, so they prayed there, because it was empty. It was empty on Shabbat! On a regular day, they didn’t even have a minyan, only on Shabbat.

So, I got to R’ Akiva St, the corner of Chazon Ish, and I said to myself I am going to find the truth, here. Here, on R’ Akiva, there had to be the ‘truth’.

==

I met a few of the chevra from the kollel Chazon Ish.

I used to learn in the Chazon Ish kollel for two days [a week], and they told me, you are looking for something, we can see it in your face. They already knew, that I was searching for something. You know what, if you want to see something good, go to Vizhnitz. You’ll see something at Vizhnitz. They have there a show [on Purim], and everyone is drunk here, and everyone is dancing and jumping, and getting drunk. You’ll see something! It will take you out of the ‘gashmiut’, the searching after ‘gashmiut’.

[The Rav replied]: OK, I’ll go.

So I was on R’ Akiva St., the corner of Chazon Ish. It took me quarter of an hour to get to Volozhin. How am I meant to get there? It was already 11.30 pm.

==

R STERN: Was this R’ Moshe?

R BERLAND: Yes. I was already living on Sarah Shnirer St., Shlah St., the corner of Bartenura. R’ Moshe was the rabbi, I went to all of his tisches. I was already going to all of his tisches. On Shabbat, I went to the tisches of R’ Moshe, and on motzae Shabbat, I travelled to Lelov. This was the maximum, already.

R STERN: So, the Rav got to Vizhnitz on Purim?

R BERLAND: Until today, I still didn’t make it to there…

R STERN: So why didn’t the Rav get there, in the end?

R BERLAND. I don’t know. I tried…

R STERN: So how did the Rav get to Breslov, in the end?

==

TBC

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] It’s unclear who the Rav is referring to.

[2] The white, parsley and blue robes of royalty, in the Purim story.

[3] The Lelover synagogue was at 35, Shmuel Mohilever Street. Shmuel Shapira was a leading Breslov mashpia, and one of the leaders of the previous generation.

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The whole test is just to withstand the ‘mochin de katnut’ = comments from the Rav

Shavua Tov!

The Rav gave over some awesome shiurim the last week, which BH, I hope to translate mostly in their entirety. This is the first installment, which begins with a complicated and hard to understand kabbalistic exposition, but then gets much easier to follow, so stick with it. The Rav is explaining a lot about what is currently going on spiritually, and how we get geula when we make teshuva.

And really, only when we make teshuva.

I know that’s not a popular idea in some quarters, but that is how Hashem is choosing to run His world, and Rebbe Nachman and the Rav continually stress this, that Jews have to make teshuva.

I hope to translate more over the rest of the week, BH.

==

Two recent shiurim from Rav Berland, in conversation with Rav Shmuel Stern – March 2026.

Here, Rav Natan explains that if a person is ready, Moshiach will come immediately, before the time, and this is a great light – Leah.[1]

It’s forbidden to be ‘ready’ for Leah, because Leah – this is Moshiach ben David. [It’s forbidden] for Moshiach ben David to come before the time, [because he can only come] in shlemut – with completeness.

[But] the keitz (end of time) still hasn’t arrived, we are still before the time. If Moshiach came today – it would be before the time.

[People] still need to do teshuva beforehand, it’s impossible [for Moshiach to come today]. Beforehand, they need to keep Shabbat. So [Moshiach] needs to be hidden and made to disappear – it’s such a great light, this needs to be hidden.

This is from the aspect of Leah, because if [Moshiach ben David] comes before the time, so then the dinim (harsh judgements) grasp on to it, and then [there are calamities.]

Leah just cried all day, that she shouldn’t fall into ‘externalities’[2]. All the geula, that Moshiach should come at the right time, until Moshiach ben David should come, who descends from her.

==

[If people make teshuva] completely, then he will come before the time.

But if they are still not making teshuva, [it’s preferable that Moshiach doesn’t come yet, because] more neshamot (souls) need to come down (and if Moshiach comes before the time, they won’t have a tikkun.)

Moshiach ben David, who is concealed slowly, slowly, the opposite – he is contained within Rachel. When Leah ‘enters’, the bottom half of Leah enters the top half of Rachel, Moshiach ben David disappears, only Moshiach ben Yosef can be revealed.

All the tzaddikim, they are Moshiach ben Yosef, who descends from Rachel. He is only in Rachel, but not in Leah. Leah is only within the charoset, David HaMelech, who will come along with the King Moshiach, even Pesach, everything is from the last keitz.[3]

It’s forbidden to bring forward the last keitz before its time.

Leah is such a great light, that if it comes before it’s time [it’s not good].

==

Greatness before smallness…

Smallness then greatness, according to the order of things. Because the first wine [that a person drinks on Seder night] this is the ‘greatness of Ima’, and the matzah is the ‘greatness of Abba’.

And the smallness, this is the maror (bitter herbs), Korech. Katanut Alef, Katanut Bet, Gadlut Bet. Katanut Alef, Katanut Bet, after this, Gadlut Bet.

He says that the mochin comes down, to enter – Zeir Anpin. Only a single mochin de’katnut remains, because the karpas is the first katnut. Maror Korech (Korech sandwich, of Seder night), this is the second katnut of Zeir Anpin – the externalities.

That if we bring geula before the time, the externalities (i.e. klipot) will overpower it.

The second mochin de’gadlut, that will be spread out in its place, only after the second gadlut, which is the second matzah – this is the eating of the matzah. Then, there is the Maror Korech, this is the second gadlut.

Because, how do we make the birurim (clarifications)? By way of  making the bracha, Baruch ata H’ Elokeynu Melech HaOlam. We shout out ‘Melech HaOlam!’ – King of the World! Katnut Alef, which is only in the karpas.

The mochin of Katnut Alef, it’s only in the karpas.

[The remainder of the shiur is much easier to understand.]

==

Karpas, [that we eat on Seder night], is katnut alef.

In the merit of karpas [we reach the ‘hor, karpas, techeilet’[4] which is gadlut]. How do we attain karpas, (i.e. greatness?)

If you last the distance during the time of katnut (smallness), you will merit to the karpas (of greatness).

All those who went through the Shoah, they could have revived the dead. Whoever when through the Shoah, they could have revived the dead! But they fell into katnut, the externalities overpowered them, they fell into kefira (heresy), instead of knowing that now, they could revive the dead.

[In the merit of them] enduring such birurim (spiritual clarifications), they saw Hashem, and they stayed alive, so now, they could revive the dead! They could heal all the sick, all the blind.

==

Like Moshe [ at Matan Torah] – there were no blind people.

All the people ‘saw’ the kolot [noises] – there were no blind people….

[After the Shoah], all of them [fell into kefira], 90%, all of them fell into heresy. I used to sit at the Shabbat table, a child of seven years old, everyone around me were saying words of heresy. I said, what is all this kefira?! I was just seven years old. I yelled at them: Hashem, who ha Elokim!!! (Hashem, He is God!) Hashem knows!!!

==

If they wouldn’t have spoken words of kefira, they would have been able to revive the dead. They could have revived the dead!

But everyone spoke, 90% fell. When there is such a test, so 90% fell, it’s not a wonder that they spoke words of heresy – they saw how children were strangled. Everything was told, around the Shabbat table. We had a lot of guests.

People came to us who didn’t have a father, didn’t have a mother. We hosted everyone, we entertained everyone. The parents saw how the children were murdered, it was like that for 90% of all the children.

==

Sarah Galbach saw how her parents were murdered.

She was a girl of 15 [when the war began], when the Shoah ended, she was 20 years old. Today, she would be 100, she died a year ago, aged 100. 80 years had passed, since she buried them. She dug them a hole – for her father and mother. They came into the apartment and murdered her parents, in Uman. But, she hung on [to her faith], so she merited that her children stayed Breslov, and married other Breslovers.

But, if they hadn’t have fallen into kefira then, there would have been the geula.

5708 (1948) was the year of geula for the entire world, just everyone fell into heresy, so what could Hashem do? So then, He sent the z-ists [to found a State], because in any case, [the Jews] already needed their own country. It was impossible to endure pogroms every day.

==

Now, two buildings fell down, in Dimona, and in Arad – this was a Gur neighborhood.

It was families of Gur [chassidut], where every family has ten children. All the families [who were injured] are in the hospital now – the father, the mother, and the children. A boy aged 12 was very badly injured. Everyone was Gur chassidim, the majority were Gur chassidim. Perhaps in Dimona it was only secular people,but in Arad, everyone [injured] was chareidi – everyone was Gur chassidim.

Hashem wanted to show that we need to be afraid of His characteristic of din, and to make teshuva.

==

Now, it’s the moment to do teshuva.

Now, it’s the moment of the geula.

They say that the war will continue also during Pesach. Now, we are a week before Seder night – they haven’t even started, yet.

They have rockets that are 30 metres. The rockets that damaged the two buildings, each rocket was 30 metres. Even if it explodes [in the air], each rocket is 30 metres. [I.e. it still creates shrapnel that could be dangerous].

==

Now, it’s the moment of teshuva, of geula.

The ikker (main point) is to pass through the mochin de katnut, because each person has some sort of question [about what Hashem is doing, and the main thing is to get a grip on ourselves, and to believe that Hashem is righteous and just in everything that He is doing.]

Suddenly, a child is sick. Suddenly, the wife is ill. Suddenly, they kick you out of your apartment, because I have no money to pay for it.

==

[Skipping the Rav’s story about his own apartment, which we will come back to in the next installment, BH].

==

So, the ikker is to stand up in the test of mochin de katnut.

Suddenly, you don’t have an apartment. Suddenly, the wife is sick. Suddenly, the child is ill – the ikker is to get through the mochin de katnut, because all if this [suffering is to rectify] the sin of Adam HaRishon.

Each person has a share in the sin of Adam HaRishon, who denied Hashem.

Cain said there is no din, and there is no dayan. The moment that [Adam] ate from the Tree of Knowledge, he became a denier of Hashem. Hashem told him not to eat – why are you eating?! So, you are a denier of Hashem, a total apikorus.

==

[The snake] told him that [Hashem] had eaten from the tree.

Always, [the heretics] ask what was there, before Hashem? The snake said, the snake solved the question, and said that the tree came before Hashem. There was the Tree of Knowledge, and [Hashem] ate from the tree, and then, created the worlds.

And Adam HaRishon believed him! And also Chava, believed him.

He [Adam] should have passed through this stage of mochin de katnut.

They took the man’s apartment away from him. They took his child away from him – he asks, why did Hashem do this to me?! No! This is called ‘mochin de katnut’. You have to get through the mochin de katnut, and then you will merit to have mochin de gadlut.

If you can get through the mochin de katnut, then you will be able to revive the dead! You can heal the sick! You can heal the blind!

==

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] A kabbalistic reference to Tikkun Leah.

[2] I.e. into the side of evil, or the klipot.

[3] The Rav is referring to very deep kabbalistic concepts here, that I don’t pretend to understand. However, I am not skipping this material, as it’s important to sometimes present some of the Rav’s deeper teachings.

[4] The white, parsley and blue robes of royalty, in the Purim story.

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Rabbanit Berland, the first sephardi in Bnei Brak – more comments from the Rav

They used to call the Rabbanit ‘arab’!

She was the first sephardi woman who came to live in Bnei Brak, no sephardi dared to live in Bnei Brak. And suddenly, they see…

She was the only one in the whole city with dark skin, and they used to call her ‘arab!’

[She used to say]: What?! I don’t understand why they are calling me ‘arab’.

They told her: In the end, you will have a husband who is a tzaddik.

==

They called her ‘Tehilla’ after the Tehillim (Psalms).

She was also the first person to be called ‘Tehilla’. Today, she is 88 years old. 88 years ago, there was still not this name. There was the ‘Tehilla’ of the Ramchal, but there still wasn’t this name. It was only when her father called her ‘Tehilla’, 88 years ago.

She was born in the 10 days of teshuva (on the 7th of Tishrei). She was born at a time when you say tehillim, so he called her ‘Tehilla’.

And when she came to live in Bnei Brak, they called her ‘arab!’ And he [her father] told her, in the merit of this, you will receive a husband who is a tzaddik.

They used to call her ‘arab’.

==

Back then, they used to call Yishai ‘moabite!’

Because he was the grandson of Ruth, and he had eight children, and they called all of them ‘moabites!’

Everyone humiliated them. You are moabites! Get away from here! Why did you come here?! Go back to Moab!

So, he [Yishai]  decided to sire a child from his maidservant, who was a tzaddeket. Nitzevet [the mother of King David, the wife of Yishai] was the real tzaddeket, because she never revealed [what had happened, i.e. that Yishai was the true father of King David]. She could have said something…

==

[Skipping some].

==

In the book of Yirmiyahu, there was the Churban (destruction of the First Temple).

He said, another 70 years, you’ll return.

It’s written three times, ‘70 years’[1].

One 70 years was counted from Nevuchadnezzer [and his son] Evil Medorach. He was called ‘Evil’, because [his father Nevuchadnezzer] went from being a king, to being a beast. For seven years, he was a beast. ‘Merodach’ is the name of one of the gods of Babylon.

==

[Skipping some].

==

Now, they want all the yeshiva students to enlist.

It’s hard to learn, even one line in the Gemara is harder than being in the army for 100 years. One line in the Gemara is harder than being in the army for 100 years! A person needs to know, that understanding a single line in the Gemara is harder, to learn the Gemara is more difficult, and to read the stories in [Tractate] Megillah, about Mordechai and about Pesach, when they fasted[2].

==

Shuvu Banim does everything backwards.

They do Succot on Tishrei, and Succot is a remembrance of the Clouds of Glory that were in Nissan. They do Purim in Adar, when Purim was on Pesach. When did they hang Haman? On Chol Hamoed Pesach.

So, I asked my grandchildren, where did they put him?!

After all, they hung him [Haman] twice. The first time, they hung him after Seder Night. The second time, they hung him [11 months afterwards] with his 10 sons. They didn’t want to make a separation, between him and them. It’s assur to split a father away from his sons.

So, where was he [i.e. his corpse, throughout the 11 months]? Someone told me, my little grandson, Nachman the son of Aharale, that they put him in Antarctica.

Because they didn’t have refrigerators, and there was only ice in the Alps. If you wanted to bring icecream, so then they would bring ice from the Alps and put the raspberries in the ice. That’s how the Romans did it.

==

How did they make icecream?

They used to bring a wagon-full of ice from the Alps, and they used to put some berries into the ice, and make ice lollies. Only the kings had icecream, because you had to bring a wagon full of ice from the Alps.

==

You could also do it in Antarctica, there is icecream there, as much as you want.

They build hotels there that don’t melt. In Canada, it melts at Pesach, and in Norway it also melts at Pesach. At Pesach, $1000 a day in a hotel, that is totally made of ice. You sit there with a lot of sweaters on.

==

We take the sweaters off.

When the bachurim (young men) come, we tell them to take their sweaters off, because you are not in Siberia, and also not in Antarctica!

Jump a bit, pray, sing!

==

Now, we were in the snow in Moldova.

It was minus 16 degrees, when we went to the grave yard in […missing in original…]

It was minus 16 degrees there, and we walked along like this, with these clothes. [The legs] didn’t have anything [special against the cold]. Without any sweaters, without anything. It’s stam, psychology.

It’s nothing. Say a tikkun haklali, you don’t need to add more clothes.

==

The car sunk into the snow there.

It was a miracle, that they got it out. This was just one of the miracles. We’d got to the graveyard where there was no road, and then we got stuck in half a metre of snow. They managed to pull it out.

There are stories for a thousand and one nights.

We travelled to Moldova twice. We travelled North, according to the snow, that’s where we passed the border [to enter into Ukraine]. And in the end, some captain – maybe he got a million dollars – who said I had to be brought back, because I’m the biggest criminal.

We could have run away, but we didn’t want to escape from them.

==

Translated from Shivivei Or # 451.

==

ICE HOTEL IN CANADA:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Hotel_(Quebec)

ICE HOTEL IN NORWAY:

Sorrisniva ice hotel: transient icy charm

==

ICE HOTEL IN ANTARCTICA:

https://www.uniqhotels.com/white-desert-antarctica/

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] See Tractate Megillah, 11b.

[2] In the Purim story, the time of the three day fast called by Queen Esther fell across Seder night.

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Burning the chametz

Probably like most people in Israel, I went into Pesach in a funny mood.

That manifested itself in a few noticeable ways. Like, I lost all bit of tiny patience I never had for old bags who just push in front of long queues of people. (Remember, we aren’t talking about 85+ old people, or people who clearly are physically disabled and need as much help and compassion they can get. Clearly.)

We’re talking about late 50-70-something old bags in good physical shape, who simply don’t give a monkeys about anyone else, and have a sense of entitlement that they shouldn’t have to wait the same as everyone else.

==

Erev chag, it happened at Fox, where I was trying to buy some new glasses for the Seder table.

One girl on the till, a queue of 4 people, the one girl on the till kept ‘disappearing’, who knows where. The usual. I’m standing there mostly patiently, trying to accept all this is from Hashem, because it so clearly is.

I had approached something almost akin to ‘peace of mind’ with the situation, my stress levels were dropping, I decided ‘as long as it takes, God, I will stand here patiently.’

Then, some expensively-dressed maximally-botoxed old bag showed up, claimed that ‘she’d been there all along’ while gesturing to some boxes of plates displayed on the counter, and proceeded to shove in.

The first three minutes, I was still (relatively….) calm.

But then, once a) I realised that the plates weren’t hers at all, and just part of the store display and b) she was going to quibble about every little bit of the purchase, from the points to how the stuff was wrapped – my blood started to boil.

For ten minutes, until she left, I was fighting a huge battle with myself, to not explode at her.

BH, I managed it.

==

Then, I got to the mikvah keilim.

To toivel my glasses.

Along with 5,000 other people, some of whom had all the new stuff for their seder table, some of whom were old guys with earpieces, listening to who know what, but clearly not focussing on the toivelling part of the process…

I took a deep breath, and tried so hard to be an accepting tzaddeket, who can just take all this stuff ‘with love’ and not get upset.

==

For twenty minutes I stood there, as the old guy fumbled around with the packaging, fumbled around again switching what he was listening to on his earpiece, fumbled around again, trying to remember what he’d already dunked, and what still needed to go in.

It’s a two person mikveh keilim, so together with the older guy, there was a harassed middle-aged woman, who had like, 50 plates and bowls to toivel. I felt sorry for her, it looked like a lot to do by herself.

In the meantime, the queue grew longer and longer and longer, until at least 10 people were standing there waiting, and I was the next in line, with my set of six glasses, trying to ‘accept with love’ and have ‘patience’.

==

Just as the old guy came out, two old bags marched up together, took a look at the queue – and went straight into the little room to toivel their stuff.

My  blood started boiling. One of the old bags came out two seconds later waving her new frying pan and announcing triumphantly ‘that’s it! that’s it!’ as she marched off to conquer Rome, or something.

For the next ten seconds, I waited for the other old bag to also come out again, because if they only had one pan, that would half excuse their crass and selfish behaviour.

She didn’t.

She had two big, bulky bags full of stuff, and was clearly going to be there a very long time.

==

The harassed housewife was finishing up, so I pushed into the little room, and just as Old Bag #2 took her latest load of stuff out of the dipping basket, I snatched it away and started putting my glasses in it.

Slee-cha!!!! She screeched at me, then switched to English because obviously, she was an American.

I haven’t finished yet!!!

I took a deep breath, mentally crossed off the words ‘Listen, you old bag’ in my head and then continued:

You just pushed in, in front of all these people. Now it’s your turn to have some patience, and wait for me to finish.

I tried to speak calmly, but honestly my blood was boiling. She pursed her lips and got busy repacking her stuff. It took me approximately 48 seconds to dunk my glasses and put them back in the box, and then I said Chag Sameach, as I left.

==

Outside, I sat in the car for a few minutes feeling a bit yucky, and unsure if I’d done the right thing.

On the one hand… We are meant to just accept all the humiliation and bizayon with love.

On the other hand… I am at a stage currently, perhaps because of the war, that I literally can’t stand being ‘trodden on’ by selfish narcs a second longer. And I wasn’t rude to her, I was just not prepared to pretend that her behaviour was socially acceptable.

The inner war raged on.

==

That night, we did bedikat chametz, with 10 neatly-torn pieces of old tortilla, which I then packaged up neatly in 10 little plastic bags, which I then stuffed neatly into an old Raisin Bran box I’d kept just for that purpose.

Then, we added in the 10 bits of paper with all (some…) of the spiritual chametz I wanted to burn this year.

Plus, my husband added in the wooden spoon and candle he’d used to do bedikat chametz with.

I felt a small spark of satisfaction, that even if the bonfire tomorrow was not burning strong, our little box of chametz should at least go up fairly easily, and burn to cinders.

==

The next day, we got there a little later than usual.

It had been half raining, but had now stopped. There was a guy trying to pour some petrol on a massive load of chametz that was not burning any time soon.

Every time a small flame started flickering, someone else showed up with a box of semolina, cornflakes, pittot, pasta, and smothered it out of existence again.

It was kinda depressing. Even the petrol didn’t really make a dint in the chametz mountain.

==

At the same time – I had my super-duper, neatly-packaged, just has to burn really easily chametz package, all ready to go.

My husband placed it carefully near one of the small flickering bits of flame, just waiting for it to catch, go up in flames, burn the whole box – yalla, we can say the prayer and go home feeling satisfied that we did that mitzva properly.

Of course, that’s not what happened.

==

Some guy starts muttering that there needs to be a naf-naf, something you can use to fan the pathetic fire to have some chance of it burning at least some of the chametz.

His eye lit on our box of raisin bran, which he grabbed, tipped upside down, to get all the ‘stuff’ out of it he didn’t need, had a go at us for putting a ‘plastic spoon’ in there – till he realised it was wooden – and then, started trying to use the box to naf-naf the fire.

I was a little peeved.

==

I took a deep breath, worked on accepting this with love, started to realise, THIS was the real chametz God wanted me to burn this year, all my anger, arrogance and self-righteousness, each time the plan wasn’t going to plan, and tried to chill.

We stood there for another ten minutes, as a chareidi family tried to get the fire going by pouring oil over a few cardboard boxes, and making a big effort. It didn’t really work.

Why aren’t you saying the prayer? I asked my husband.

The chametz hasn’t really burned yet, he told me.

Ours would have, if that guy had left the box alone, but now, the chametz mountain just continued to grow, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

==

That’s when I remembered the wooden broomstick at home.

It would make a great ‘fire prodding stick’.

I ran home to get it. By the time I came back, most of the crowd had gone, given up, and my husband watched bemused, as I started poking around the one little fire still trying to get started.

Give up, he told me. It’s not going to happen today.

So of course, I didn’t.

After a couple of minutes of me trying to lift up parts of the chametz mountain with the stick, so some of the air could get underneath, the fire started to burn a bit stronger.

That’s when my husband found his second wind, took the stick off me – and long story short, got about 2/3 of the chametz mountain burnt, by the time he was done.

==

We said the prayer, just as some strange Breslov-looking chassid showed up with a bottle full of oil and a few candles, to get the fire burning.

We gave him the stick, and left him to it.

==

At home, I was pondering what was the message of all this?

At least, for me?

To not give up? To not get angry? To not think that sorting ourselves out with our own little Raisin Bran box is enough, at the moment, and to understand that God wants each of us to come out of our little selfish zone, and try to see the other in the picture?

Probably, all of the above and more.

==

Back home, a bunch of my dishes slipped off the drying rack and crashed to the floor.

I managed to stay calm, with God’s help.

My daughter started making a dish 4 hours before chag that would take 5 hours to cook.

Even more incredibly, I managed to stay calm.

This is the real chametz to burn, I kept telling myself. And God was helping me find it all over the place.

==

Chag has been full of sirens, especially beyond Jerusalem, but even here, they saved a big one for the middle of the night, a couple of hours after the Seder had ended.

Of course.

And a few more yesterday, to see the chag out ‘with a ‘bang’.

Of course.

I keep thinking, God can’t let this stuff keep happening for too much longer.

Yesh Din, and Yesh Dayan.

And the bill for the Evils is coming due, very soon.

At least, I hope.

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The salvation will come from an unexpected place – words of the Rav

A few days ago, the Rav said during the Ma’ariv prayers:

Just like the Children of Israel were stood before the sea, and didn’t know where their salvation would come from, and never dreamed that the sea would split – also now. This is what is going to happen. The salvation will come from somewhere unexpected.

Translated from Shivivei Or, #451.

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