The second and final part of this awesome shiur.

You can read Part 1 HERE.

For me, it’s been very enlightening to understand just how ‘dead’ Breslov chassidut really was, until R Berland came and blew new life into it. Ashrenu, that we have a Rav like this in our generation.

It’s also wonderful how the Rav speaks to candidly. That’s one of the things that drew me to Rabbenu, Rebbe Nachman, and Breslov, right from the start, that even though Rabbenu was awesomely holy, he was also a real person, with real issues, who spoke about life in a real way that I could relate to.

==

I am taking a week off the blog now, as to be honest, the internet is literally making me feel pukey.

Even though I try very hard to stay out the really mucky stuff, just the whole thing, all the lies, the ‘Artemis II’ boll-acks, the ‘WAR WITH IRAN’, all the fake headlines, all the manufactured stories, and people – it’s more than a little bit nauseating.

So, I’ll see you again in about a week. BH, I gave you enough good stuff to read for a while, in any case.

Shabbat shalom.

==

I only moved to Rashbam Street in Tishrei.

The Steipler gave me his apartment, and his apartment was full of soot.

In his life, he never whitewashed it. He used to cook with paraffin, everything was black, black. It took us a whole week, to whitewash over all the soot.

I came from Sarah Shnirer St., and now I had to walk the whole of Chazon Ish, and all of Nehemiah St, all of Ezra. And after that, I had to walk the whole of Ravina St., until I got to Vizhnitz. I didn’t have the strength to walk.

I’d already got to Volozhin, because I went via Chazon Ish, Nehemiah, and after Volozhin, it was Breslov [i.e. the yeshiva]. I saw there was some light there, in the room downstairs, so I said to myself, I’m going to go there to rest a little.

==

[When the Rav was in the Breslov yeshiva of Bnei Brak, that first Purim night}:

I opened Likutey Moharan, it was already quarter to one. I saw in Lesson I:I, the het and the nun, and I didn’t understand what this was. Wisdom is ‘het’, and ‘nun’ is humility. I had no idea what it was talking about here, at all. What is it talking about?! I was sitting like that for a quarter of an hour, and I tried to understand.

Then, R Nachman Rosenthal arrived. He is the greatest tzaddik in the world. And I asked him, what is going on, here? I don’t understand, where are all the drunks, where is the barrel of wine?

==

In Hevron, they opened a barrel of wine.

I was in Hevron for Purim, and I saw how everyone got drunk. I ran away. They opened a whole barrel of wine, a whole barrel, that they brought from the winery. Everyone came with their cups, with their ladles, with their pans, their bottles, their jars, their jugs – they drank as much wine as they could.

And afterwards, they threw up everything.

I said to myself, this is not for me…

==

Tov. I went into Breslov [the yeshiva] and I said to Rosenthal, what is this silence? What are you doing here? Where is all the chevra?

[R Rosenthal replied] Everyone is sleeping, now. In another five minutes, I am going to wake them up, to take them to the field.

• The field?! You’re spending Purim in a field?! How is a field relevant to Purim?

He answered me, that there we are going to cry out ‘save me from the klipat Haman Amalek, and give us the merit of kedushat Mordechai and Esther!’

I said to myself, now, I have uncovered the truth! This is what should be done, on Purim! There is a group, that goes to the field on the night of Purim, until vatikin, and they cry out ‘save us from the klipat Haman Amalek!’

==

At 5am, you need to begin hodu [in the morning prayers].

At 4.45am, I hadn’t slept for two nights, and I saw that I wouldn’t be able to have kavana for a single word [of the prayers, if he prayed with them at 5am]. So I said to myself, I’m going to go back to Sarah Shnirer [i.e. to his home]. There was Shlah Street, next to Bartenura. I needed to walk via HaRav Dessler Street, afterwards, via HaRav Alsheich Street, and there was Shlah Street, there, is where the boarding school was of Or HaChaim [where the Rabbanit was the House Mother]. It was called Sarah Shnirer.

Now, it was her yahrtzeit [of Sarah Shnirer].

On the 25th of Adar. She founded the whole of Beis Yaakov, without here, there wouldn’t be a single [religious] girl, today. Everyone was going to university, everyone was marrying non-Jews, everyone was becoming communists, and yelling ‘equality!!!’ It caught everyone up, because everyone was poor, and now, if there would be ‘equality’, so then there would be food in the house.

==

So, I waited until around 5am, and then I went home.

I slept until 7am, for two hours, and I prayed another time at Halperin, and I returned to the kollel Chazon Ish to learn there – I forgot all about it.

Friday, I came out of the kollel Chazon Ish, and I walked to Rav Dessler Street. You walked to Maharshal Street, after this, Bartenura, after this, you would enter HaRav Dessler Street. So, I walked around 100 or 200 metres towards the direction of the Baal Shem Tov [Street], when I bumped into R Nachman Rosenthal.

• Where were you? Where did you disappear to? Come now!

I told him [that I would come].

==

I dipped [in the mikveh] two minutes, I put on my Shabbat clothes, because my house was right next door, in the close.

We lived in a close, mamash. Within four or five minutes, I was inside Breslov. I saw that [all the other students] were small children – I didn’t care. I said Shir HaShirim, and then, the evening prayers began.

They started Lecha Dodi, and suddenly, I was totally surrounded by fire. The whole Aron HaKodesh upstairs, it was a small area, it was in what is today called the room of the shiurim. I was standing opposite the parochet (curtain that covers the Torah scrolls), and the whole of the Aron HaKodesh was engulfed in fire.

R Natan Liebermensch was not prepared to use electricity [so they used paraffin lamps for light], and the lamp suddenly exploded, and the whole of the Aron haKodesh upstairs started to burn. All the paraffin splashed out on the sides – and I was mamash surrounded by fire.

I didn’t move.

==

Everyone ran off to find a Shabbos goy, everyone ran out of the room, the whole room was full of smoke.

But I was in the middle of Shmoneh Esrei, and I’d gotten so such dvekut, I felt like Rebbe Nachman had joined with me. I already was not going to move from that spot, it was like the first Shmoneh Esrei prayer I’d really had, on Shabbat evening.

After that, I started to go [to the Breslov yeshiva]. I came to seuda shlishi. Perhaps also the morning prayers, I was already praying by Breslov, too. This [i.e. the meeting with R Rosenthal] was one or two shabbats after Purim, and I continued throughout Pesach.

I saw a person who was immersed [in prayer], a person who was totally ‘internal’, during each of his Shmoneh Esrei prayers. Every prayer of his was with weeping and cries, with tongues of flame. I heard him cry out “and establish good advice for us, from before You!!!” “Establish good advice for us, from before You!!!”

Such weeping! There was an ocean of tears.

==

R STERN: Who from, R Natan Liebermensch?

R BERLAND: Yes. Everything was R Natan Liebermensch. Without him, there would be nothing left of Breslov. He brought Mordechai Turetz closer, and Yisrael Hirsch, and Kipnis. His father arranged the Talmudic Encyclopaedia, these were talmidei chachams from Lithuanian yeshivas.

R STERN: He also brought Beninstock closer [to Breslov]?

R BERLAND: Everyone was in Ponevezh, and twenty lads came closer [to Breslov] in one shot.

R STERN: Via him? By way of R Natan Liebermensch?

R BERLAND: Yes. Nobody else was doing kiruv, only him.

==

[In Breslov of Bnei Brak] there was Orlanchik, there was Yossi Ehrlich. They are written in the Founders’ Charter of Bnei Brak. They founded Bnei Brak, in 5682 (1921-22). We were now in 5722 (1962), 40 years later. Everyone arrived aged 20. Yitzhak Gershtein, he founded Bnei Brak.

He wrote letters to all the Admorim, and none of them wanted to come [to Bnei Brak], only Breslov came.

The first settlers were Breslov. Tzucker ruled over the whole of Rabbi Akiva Street, it all belonged to them, every shop was theirs. They were the richest, billionaires – the Tzuckers, each time they married off a child or grandchild, they would sell another shop.

When I married off Tzvia to Tzvika Tzucker, I had to bring them 40,000 shekels, that’s how much it cost to buy an apartment – 80,000 shekels. And we bought with this an apartment in the Chazon Ish neighborhood, further down, between Carmel and Tavor Streets. We bought an apartment there for 80,000 shekels.

==

The person who collected this for me, was Rotenberg, Chaim Shlomo Rotenberg.

He went collecting for me across the whole of America.

He managed to get together 20,000 shekels. I don’t collect money, I don’t know how to collect money, even today. When he was with me in America, for half a year, I didn’t get a penny. When I went there for a second time, I also didn’t get a penny.

After that, people started to collect a little, but it wasn’t anything meaningful. It wasn’t interested – Hashem is going to send every day, what a person needs. I prayed, I used to be there for shacharit until 1pm in the afternoon. The whole synagogue was in [missing in original].

==

R STERN: Didn’t the Rav used to pray on the roof [of the Breslov yeshiva] for six hours?

R BERLAND: Yes. I was on the roof, at Breslov. I’d do shacharit for six hours, ma’ariv for three hours, with crying out, all the neighbours went mad. They heard the cries as far as Ponevezh. They said it’s stam, some crazy person.

It burned within me, I used to cry out to the heart of the heavens. Until 5742 (1982) – for 20 years. I would pray on the roof, with awful cries. And R Natan Liebermensch used to give me chizzuk.

==

R STERN: After that, the Rav used to give over a shiur to the bachurim, a little while after the Rav had finished his prayers?

R BERLAND: Perhaps in 5730 (1969-70) I started to give a shiur. We are talking about 5722 (1961-62), 64 years ago. Afterwards in 5730, I started to give a shiur there between mincha and maariv, and also, I used to say a shiur during seuda shlishi. Everything – if not for him, there would be no Breslov.There would be nothing, nothing would have remained.

==

R STERN: And how did the Rav draw close to R Levi Yitzhak Bender, in 5742 (1982)?

R BERLAND: To R Levi Yitzhak Bender, from 5727 (1967). [Before this] Jerusalem was closed. There was only the Burma Road to Jerusalem, and we’d travel it perhaps once a year. On Rosh Hashana, we would go.

[R Levi Yitzhak Bender] is the one who arranged the Rosh Hashana [gathering in Jerusalem, as Uman was also out of bounds].

If not for him, there wouldn’t have been a Rosh Hashana. All the youth travelled to Meron. All the youth got caught by [missing in original]. They caught everyone. He died, because he left the path. He died immediately.[1]

==

I heard [R Gedalia Koenig] maybe four times.

I was at his home for two or three months, I used to go to him every day. But, it wasn’t like R’ Natan [Liebermensch], who was fire. He was fire from above, ‘fire will always burn on the mizbeach and will not be extinguished’ – always fire! It’s the gematria of ‘the heavens will open, and you will see the wonders of Elokim’.

You could feel it. You could feel the yiddishkeit.

==

R STERN: What year did the Rav get to R Israel Ber Odessa (the Saba Yisrael)?

R BERLAND: R Israel Ber Odessa – I lived by him for a year, and he lived by me, for half a year.

R STERN: What year was that?

R BERLAND: 5725 (1965) He used to live with his daughter, in Givat Shaul, opposite Amshinov. I used to pray shacharit in Amshinov, and then be by him the whole day. He used to bring me food.

R STERN: Afterwards, he came to live with the Rav for half a year in Bnei Brak?

R BERLAND: Yes. In 5725 (1965) he was by me. He married off Amram Horowitz, he collected money. He used to come to Bnei Brak to collect money. He married off Amram Horowitz, and he collected money for him. He used to sit in the [Breslov] synagogue on Maimon Street, and learn Likutey Halachot all day. So, I used to learn Likutey Halachot with him all day. He didn’t know the Gemara.

If he would have known the Gemara, he could have been the leader of Breslov, but without the Gemara, that wasn’t possible.

R Israel Karduner was his rav, and he knew the SHAS by heart. He used to walk on foot from Tsfat to Meron, and finish Masechet Beitza, and also on the trip back. He’d finish it twice.

==

R STERN: And the Rav was by R Levi Yitzchak from 5727 (1967)?

R BERLAND: Yes. From 5727 (1967) I lived by him. I slept by him, I ate breakfast by him, and supper. When it was chatzot, I was by him. Until 5749 (1989), when he died. Each chatzot, I used to learn with him Likutey Moharan for a whole hour. Every chatzot.

R STERN: And you were by Rabbi Hirsch Leib [Lippel] when?

R BERLAND: I lived by Rabbi Hirsch Leib for three to four years.

R STERN: When, what years?

R BERLAND: After Israel Ber, 5725 (1965) I was by Israel Ber.

R STERN: Until he published ‘the petek’?

==

R BERLAND: No. The petek was long before. He [R Israel Ber] told me that he didn’t believe in the petek. He told me that he’d sent it to Uman, and they didn’t authenticate it for him. R Levi Yitzhak told me that everyone doubled-over laughing [in Uman, when they heard about the petek].

Someone had written him a few different words there [i.e. on the petek], and everyone [in Uman] started laughing hysterically [about the petek]. But they didn’t say anything to him [i.e. to Israel Ber].

[R Israel Ber] told me that I sent this to Uman, he told me. And they didn’t reply to me at all, if it was genuine or not. The moment that I saw that he really did believe in the petek, I left him.

I don’t believe in the petek. I was a Litvak, until today, I remain a Litvak.

==

R STERN: And then the Rav went to R Hirsch Leib?

R BERLAND: Yes, exactly. I was by him the whole day. I used to eat breakfast and dinner by R Levi Yitzhak, and I would sleep by R Hirsch Leib at night.

R STERN: Where did R Hirsch Leib used to live, back then?

R BERLAND: Next to the Tanya Synagogue [in Meah Shearim], the synagogue of Chabad. I used to pray in Breslov in the morning, at 9:00 I’d go to R Hirsch Leib, and I’d pay him a few vegetables on the way. We’d eat breakfast together, afterwards I would sleep at him for an hour or two a day, and after that, go and learn at Breslov.

R STERN: What stories, these are incredible stories. This is ribui or for me.

==

R BERLAND: I used to see Hashem every second!

His grandfather [i.e. Mordechai Alter Rubinstein, the grandfather of a few of the Rav’s grandchildren] used to force me to eat something. Every day, he’d make me an omelette with three eggs. I used to live in Jerusalem, I wasn’t at home.

Yehoshua Dov [Rubinstein, Mordechai Alter’s son, who married one of the Rav’s daughters] used to take me to the field. The whole top floor [of the yeshiva in Jerusalem] was the dining room. People used to come to eat, and he used to make them omelettes, make them soup, and also used to force me to eat something. In my life I never ate as much as when I was there.

==

R STERN: So the Rav used to go with them to Shimon HaTzaddik, with the chabura, or was that earlier on?

R BERLAND: No. There was already no chabura [of Breslov in Jerusalem]. When I drew near, there was nothing.

There wasn’t R Hirsch Leib [i.e. his group and R Shmuel Shapira’s group had already stopped]. These were old men, already. In the end, he couldn’t even put on his tefillin, he was ravaged by Parkinsons. He couldn’t pray. He just used to come to the Baal HaTanya synagogue, and sit during the prayers. I didn’t see anything.

R STERN: Did the Rav used to learn chevruta with R Shmuel Shapira?

R BERLAND: For three years, I learned with him chevruta. He used to learn the Gemara.

R STERN: So the Rav learned Gemara with him?

R BERLAND: Yes. And the Mishneh Brurah, hilchot Shabbat, and Masechet Shabbat.

R STERN: Where, in his house?

R BERLAND: Yes, by him in his house. Where they still live even now. I used to eat lunch with him for three years, four years. I would sit with Natan, his son.

I learned with everyone.

==

There was R Avraham Yaakov Goldring, who was the father of Feige, the mother of Yitzhak Shapira. I used to sit with him in his house.

I also sat with R Yaakov Melamed Kalmanovitch, and by R Yaakov Berezbesky. I sat with all the elders, I used to sit with them for hours, days, nights. I used to get up for chatzot with them.

I was with R Hirsch Leib three years, I lived by him, it was my second home. Yehoshua Dov used to take me every night to the field, at 1am. I used to take Yossi Druk and Shimon Rubinstein [with me].

[Name missing in original] drew closer to me only after I’d been in Leningrad. Before that, he didn’t know anything about me. He thought I was a crazy person, he told me. When I used to pray in the downstairs hallway, by the entrance, they used to throw trash at me. He told me, I was one of those who threw trash at you, and balls.

On the way to Leningrad, he got to know me, and then he became attached to me.

==

We travelled there in the month of Av.

And then immediately after Yom Kippur, Yehoshua Dov (Rubinstein, the Rav’s mechutonim) was doing his succah upstairs, he was putting on the schach, and knocking some nails in, when they yelled at him there is a shidduch for Natan (his son, who became Rav Berland’s SIL). Come down, quickly! Don’t build the succah, come down quickly. There is a shidduch!

We finished this even before Succot, and then afterwards they got married in Adar…she was a young woman of 17. [Turning to his Rubinstein grandson, the Rav says:] Your mother saw him one time, and that was it. I told him, that he would have the most ‘tzaddik-like’ children.

==

R STERN: What can the Rav tell us about his being drawn closer to R Levi Yitzhak [Bender]?

R BERLAND: It wasn’t really a ‘being drawn closer’. R Levi Yitzhak was already old, he was already 80. He died in 5749 (1988-89), when he was 92. I only sat with him for seven years. I also used to travel, and to take special people to hear his shiur, between mincha and maariv.

I used to hear stories from the elders, about how Breslov used to be.

But when I drew closer – there was nothing. I didn’t see anything, all the elders were old. I remember on the first Yom Kippur that I came to the [Breslov] Shul [in Meah Shearim], it was totally dry. I didn’t hear any cries, I didn’t hear any weeping. I sat next to some elder there, R Levi Yitzhak was the shaliach tzibur. In the end, I went to stand next to him.

In the last year, the last two years, I used to give him energy all the time, because he’d fainted a few times already. He was 92 years old, then. In another little while, I will be 90.

[R Levi Yitzhak] was the only shaliach tzibur. There was Avraham Sternhartz [a descendant of Rav Natan Sternhartz, Rebbe Nachman’s main student] but he used to go to Meron [for Rosh Hashana]. They threw him out of the shul, because he was against the get.[2]

==

R STERN: What happened, with that get?

R BERLAND: She became chilonit, and R Levi Yitzhak said to do a get [i.e. to arrange a divorce from her still religious husband]. Avraham Sternhartz said no, we need to have some patience, she will make teshuva, there was no-one to talk to her [and give her chizzuk].

[In Breslov then] There was no-one who gave chizzuk. People didn’t know about something like this, to talk to the next person. Baruch Getzes used to talk, but apart from him, no-one else used to talk. There was no-one who knew how to talk, everyone was painters and milkmen. They were the most ami ha’aretz they could be. They were true ami ha’aretz.

==

R STERN: We need to hear more. If it’s possible in the future, can the Rav tells us more about R Levi Yitzhak, and also about how the Rav used to do kiruv with the kibbutzim, and all of that? If it’s possible?

R BERLAND: The Breslov of today is not the Breslov of 5742 (1982), and not the Breslov of 5727 (1967), when the way to the Kotel was reopened.

It’s impossible to even compare it. (I.e. the situation within Breslov today is incomparably better than it was in these previous years, even with all the difficulties being faced on so many levels.)

I feel as though R Natan Liebermensch has joined me. I really feel as though someone cut my hand off [after R Liebermensch passed away very recently]. I feel like they cut my hand off! I always used to bind myself to him with the prayers, from the time I lived in Jerusalem, 40 years. I always used to bind myself to him, ‘in the zchut of Natan ben Miriam’. Every prayer, ‘in the zchut of Natan ben Miriam’.

And even now, I remember ‘Natan ben Miriam’, every prayer. For 20 years, I was his faithful student. In the end, I had baalei teshuva, so he disconnected from me. But I was his student, and I feel like they cut my hand off, now. As though they cut off half my body. I was connected to him with all 248 limbs and 365 sinews.

Only like this [i.e. because of R Liebermensch] I became Breslov.

Bezrat Hashem, we will continue.

Excerpted and translated from the Pesach Supplement of Shivivei Or, 5786.

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] It’s not clear who the Rav is referring to here.

[2] I have no more details about this get, nor who was involved in it.

This was posted up as a comment on Rav Berland Reminisces, but deserves it’s own post.

It’s from R Hoshea Allen, of the Shoemaker Report, and it adds a whole level of understanding about what the word is really describing, when he talks about withstanding the ‘karpas’, or difficulties.

This is how Breslov Torah is, btw. Often, it seems too ‘strange’ to engage with, superficially, but if you make even the tiniest little effort to really think for yourself, and ponder what is really being said, some massive, life-changing ideas spring out.

Enjoy!

==

A few thoughts about what the Rav is bringing out about the word karpas:

He’s mapping a precise inner sequence of how we are to experience and survive life’s challenges using karpas as its code. At the outset, a person is granted mochin de-gadlut – a brief expansion of awareness in which Hashem feels present and life carries coherence and meaning. This corresponds to the samech at the end of the word, corresponding to somech, relying and trusting H’, seeing things clearly, hence mochin d’gadlut.

But this is immediately followed by entry into a state of perech – normally understood as crushing labor, but here representing crushing labor of the mind, i.e. pressure, fragmentation, and painful kooshiot that the mind cannot resolve.

These aren’t just abstract questions either. They’re existential tensions that can strain a person to the point of collapse.

==

So what is this teaching us?

The initial gadlut is given specifically so one can survive the stage of katnut, the perech. Without it, a person in mochin d’katnut would be crushed by the questions. That’s why later the Rav brings up the Shoah and Simchat Torah, as exmples. But if one has already tasted clarity, then even when that clarity recedes, its imprint remains, allowing a person to endure the confusion without losing direction.

==

And it’s interesting that this whole sod is revealed when you read karpas backwards.

Within the experience, it feels as though we begin with perech – the questions, the confusion, the pressure. But in reality, that is not the beginning; it is the middle of the process. It really started with the samech – the hidden support of gadlut. It came first even it wasn’t considered at the time.

So as the Rav has been saying a lot lately, the real avodah is withstanding katnut. That’s this whole drasha — moving through perech while remaining rooted in that unseen samech, to endure the kooshiot without collapse by drawing on a clarity that was given earlier.

==

Bigger picture?

Redemption begins not by resolving every question, but by learning to carry truth through a state where nothing much makes sense.

==

We had some awesome miracles here in EY the last few weeks, despite the very real challenges, mostly coming from the fear of what will be.

This is an article from Ynet, in Hebrew, that breaks down the number of fatalities from this latest installment of  ‘WAR WITH IRAN’:

https://www.ynet.co.il/news/article/s1ipmtm3wx

If you take out the military casualties from the figures to just leave civilians killed in rocket attacks – you get 29 deaths.

If you break that down by who was killed ‘directly’ in a rocket attack, and who died on the way to a shelter because they had a heart attack, got run over, fell and tripped etc, this is what you get:

From the 29 civilian deaths:

• Killed by direct rocket/missile impact (including building strikes): 19

• Not killed by direct impact: 10

==

Or in other words, more than a third of these deaths were caused by trying to follow Home Guard instructions, about getting to a bomb shelter.

The really amazing thing here, is that in those awful strikes on Dimona and Arad – no-one died.

That’s simply mind-boggling.

==

I am a million percent sure that this is only the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to starting to figure out how many open miracles God has been doing for us, the last few weeks.

If the Six Day War provides the blueprint, the establishment will do everything they can to distort the open miracles, and try to hide them.

But make no mistake, God still loves us, and still has our back.

Even though we’ve been through a tremendous amount of karpas here in Israel, the last few weeks.

But now, we’re back to ‘peace in the Middle East again’.

BH.

Continuing the awesome shiur.

Read part 1 HERE, and part 2 HERE.

==

R STERN: So how did the Rav get to Breslov, in the end?

R BERLAND: I will tell you what happened. There was a puncture during the drive, exactly between Chazon Ish St. and R’ Akiva St, on the way to Volozhin. Breslov [the yeshiva] was there, in the middle. There’s this little yeshiva, kids aged 14, and I learned in Volozhin, which was opposite it, mamash, opposite it.

This was after Volozhin, it was already called ‘Breslov St.’ I didn’t have the strength to continue, I was tired, and I was already exhausted, and all the air had come out of me, already, from the tires, from the balloons [because of the Rav’s disappointment with Purim at the Lelover shul].

I was totally and utterly finished.

I said to myself, I’ll go in here to Breslov, to rest for quarter of an hour, and then I’ll continue to Vizhnitz. Until today, I still haven’t managed to get there [to Vizhnitz.]

I went in for quarter of an hour, and I stayed until today.

==

After a quarter of an hour – and in my life, I’d never seen a Likutey Moharan, in my life, I hadn’t seen one, I didn’t even know how it looked like, I hadn’t seen it, I didn’t know about it.

I knew about Vizhnitz, I knew Gur, I knew the Sfat Emet, I knew Lelov – but Breslov? I didn’t even know that it existed.

I knew there was some yeshiva with 14 kids, each kid was 14 years old, and this didn’t interest me at all. Breslov simply didn’t attract me.

But then, I was already tired. And I was exhausted.

What can an exhausted man do? I was 24 years old then, just 24, but the strength had already left me. Tov, I said to myself, let’s go into the Breslov yeshiva. I remember still today, I opened the Likutey Moharan, and I didn’t understand a word.

[In Torah 1:1, Rebbe Nachman says]: ‘to join the ח with the נ .’

Until today, I still don’t understand what it means, what is the ‘het’, what is the ‘nun’? What does the het have to do with the nun?! I’m a Litvak, I was learning Ketzot HaChoshen, I’m learning Gemara, Netivot HaMishpat, Takfu Kohen. Where is the ‘het’ and the ‘nun’?!

How does this go together? How did the ‘het’ and the ‘nun’ fall into all this? The Biur HaLikutim says to multiply the ‘het’ by the ‘nun’, and then you’ll get [the numerical value of] ‘taf’.

==

Tov, I sat there like that, for quarter of an hour, tohu v’ bohu, trying to get my strength back, in order to go to Vizhnitz.

Until today, I’m still trying to get to Vizhnitz, I still didn’t give up…

And it was already approaching 1am, I got there at 12.30am, plus another quarter of an hour. At 1am, Nachman Rosenthal arrived. Yechezkel [Rosenthal] is here now, his son. He has seven sons, and now a daughter, after seven sons he merited to have a daughter.

==

Sarah, was the wife of Micah Zonenshine…

They were the first ones to draw close [to the Rav and Shuvu Banim]. The moment we got to Jerusalem, 5742 (1982), she was already on the way to Columbia. Then suddenly, someone switched the ticket, and she travelled to Eretz Yisrael, and that’s where she discovered Shuvu Banim.

Straight away, we married her to Micah Zonenshine. [At the beginning] Micah Zonenshine used to show up in short trousers, in Meah Shearim he was was walking around in shorts.

He was looking for something, he was also looking for something.

==

He came with short pants, and a top. How was he going to be let into a synagogue here? They kicked him out.

What, why are you coming here with shorts?! What?! He was walking around and around like that, in Meah Shearim, and he got to the shul.

He saw that it was written ‘Breslov’, he had no idea what ‘Breslov’ was. He didn’t know if he should go in, or not – maybe, they would just kick him out? Someone said to him, yallah, go in! Someone else said to him, no! I don’t know who it was, who this person was.

The moment he entered, he saw that they were praying with dvekut, with songs and niggunim, and he had no idea that such a thing even existed.

He didn’t know! It really caught at his heart, the niggunim and the prayers with dvekut. He’d never seen something like this in his life, before.

==

Afterwards, someone said to him come to the Kotel, now.

They took him from the shul to the Kotel. Now, I am going to show you a yeshiva, that you’ve never seen something like it. The Shuvu Banim yeshiva. Back then, all the yeshivas [of Shuvu Banim] were only located by the Kotel. Then, the children grew so then we moved to here. When the children were small, we lived in the Rova [Jewish Quarter of the Old City].

Someone brought him [Micah] to the Kotel [to the Shvuu Banim yeshiva in the Old City] – he saw something that he’d never seen before, in his life.

People, all of them baalei teshuvas, everyone had left all the nonsense behind, already. He said, now, I’m also going to leave behind all the nonsense!

He informed his father that he had decided to make teshuva.

==

He went back to Eilat, and his father fainted on the spot.

Tov. He bought him a new car for half a million. His father was a millionaire, a billionaire, his father. I wanted to go to his levoya (funeral), because they told me he’d already made teshuva, after he saw that his son was right.

Tov. He [Micah Zonenshine] sat in the car [that his father had just bought for him].

He said, what can a car really do for me? What, I’m going to go after the car? I’ve already seen the truth! The truth has already been revealed to me, I already discovered the truth.

He drove the car back to his house, and to his father, until the house where he used to live, there he used to sleep. He took the car keys and threw them up to the second floor, on to the mirpesset (balcony), so his father would be able to find the keys on the mirpesset. And then, he got on a bus back to Jerusalem.

And after a month, we married him to her, to the girl from Columbia.

==

R STERN: So, what happened with the Rav at 1pm, on Breslov St. with R’ Nachman Rosenthal?

R BERLAND: Nachman drove me totally crazy. He made me go crazy, until today.

I asked him, why is it so quiet here? [in the yeshiva, on the night of Purim]. I was expecting the drunks, I was waiting for the ‘happy people’ on Purim – but here, it was all dead. It looked like it was completely dead. Deathly quiet, like they… had killed everyone off, here. It’s 1am, where are the drunks?

In Hevron, they opened the winery.

Everyone asked, what is going on, in Hevron? What is going on in Ponevezh? They opened the winery at 12am, everyone drank a barrel, everyone got drunk, everyone was dancing, everyone was jumping.

They said to me, come, you will see happiness like you’ve never seen it before, in your life!

But I was looking for something internal, from the heart, not drunks. Drunks didn’t interest me, ever.

They told me go to Ponevezh, go to Hevron.

==

He [R Nachman Rosenthal] told me, listen: I came here to wake up the chevra. He was telling me a fairy tale, a fantasy, I didn’t know.

[He continued] Here, we are now going, I am going with everyone to the field. There, 14 chevra are going to cry out ‘Save us from the klipa of Haman Amalek!!!’ And everyone cries out like crazy people, ‘Save us from the klipa of Haman Amalek!!!’ And after that, ‘Merit us to have the kedusha of Mordechai and Esther!!!’

==

I said to myself, this is what I’ve been looking for!

This is what Hashem has revealed to me, this Purim, to escape from the ‘klipat Haman Amalek’! How do you get away from this klipah of Haman Amalek? The Litvaks don’t escape from it, and neither do the Gerrers. All of them remain stuck in this klipah.

I said to myself, here, is the truth.

I said, I will wait until they come back from the field. But I’d already been awake for two nights in a row, I’d been awake. And the morning prayers started at 5am, because 5.45am was netz. I said to myself, tov, I will go and come back again. It was already 3am.

But then I forgot. As soon as I left there, I forgot about it all, and I continued to learn in Chazon Ish.

==

I don’t remember if it was the Friday of that same week, or the Friday of the week afterwards. That was the 14th Adar, it was a Tuesday, and on the Friday afterwards, the 15, 16, 17, Friday was the 17th. I don’t know if it was the 17th [of Adar] or the 24th.

I’d already forgotten all about it.

Everything had escaped my mind. It was such a big light, I’d seen such amazing truth, but I went back to learning Ketzot HaHoshen, Netivot, what did I have to do, with such things? ‘Save me, from the klipat Haman Amalek!!!’ Save me, from this! Kedushat Mordechai and Esther!

==

So, I came out of the Kollel Chazon Ish, it was 3pm, on Friday afternoon, and I crossed Maharshal St., and afterwards, Bartenura. After that, HaRav Dessler, and from HaRav Dessler I got to Chazon Ish Street. The ikker is Chazon Ish, it’s [missing in the original].

I was walking a little further on, another 100 metres towards the direction of Baal Shem Tov street, from Dessler there is the Baal Shem Tov.

Suddenly, I met R’ Nachman Rosenthal again.

He said to me where were you? Where did you disappear to? You told me that you were going to stay until vatikin, but you disappeared! You promised me you would come!

A week, or half a week, had already gone past. I told him I will come now. He said to me, are you making fun of me? What do you mean, ‘now’?! Go and think about it, yishuv ha’daat.

I said, no, now.

I’d been waiting for that moment, that someone would ‘call’ me, and until today, I am still stuck there. I don’t know, I wanted Vizhnitz. I wanted Karlin.

==

R STERN: So, what did the Rav say to the Steipler? Did the Rav tell the Steipler that he was drawing closer to Breslov?

R BERLAND: I told the Steipler that I was yearning to become Breslov. If he was prepared to guarantee me…

R STERN: Wait a moment, after how much time did the Rav tell the Steipler that he was going to be Breslov?

R BERLAND: After a year. I learned with him every day, I couldn’t tell him immediately.

==

R STERN: So then, the Rav came to the Steipler, and what did the Rav say to him?

R BERLAND: That I’d decided to become Breslov? No. I asked him, if he could get me out of gehinnom. If he was prepared to promise me, then I would stay with him. He told me, something like this, I can’t promise. He was a man of truth, he didn’t entertain fantasies. To take someone out of gehinnom and take them into Gan Eden, this is something only the Rebbe [Rebbe Nachman of Breslov] can promise.

I said to him, that if he couldn’t guarantee me that [I would go to someone who could].

==

R STERN: HaRav, can I print this conversation? Can I print it?

R BERLAND: Yes, print it, and publicise it for Seder Night, for Pesach.

R STERN: Does the Rav want to add something else for the public?

TBC

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

==

There is one more segment to translate of the first shiur, which I will try to do today, and upload the whole thing here as a PDF, together with that passage about the nun and chet from Rabbenu’s Likutey Moharan, Lesson I.

It’s really awesome stuff, for so many reasons.

The basic story of how the Rav came close to Breslov is also told in OIAG 1, but this is the first time that the Rav has given over the whole story in his own words. It’s v. inspiring, for a whole bunch of reasons.

==

Continuing the awesome shiur the Rav gave over just before Pesach.

Read part 1 HERE.

==

My father-in-law [R Avraham Shaki] bought me an apartment for 3,000 shekels.

After seven years, we sold it for 7,000, and I bought an apartment for 7,500. The whole apartment was just a quarter of this salon, and we had just one bed. Just one bed! I was in yeshiva and she was a teacher at school, only at home during bein hazmanim. That’s how we got married.

And we had a titchy table, with four chairs, and a tiny kitchen, and a tiny bathroom. Afterwards, we sold [the first apartment] for 7,000, and bought for 7,500. This was already a room and a half, we were already rich!

After this, we moved to Rashbam Street, to the apartment of the Steipler. This cost 13,000 [shekels]. What used to be 7,500, I already sold that for 11,000. And then I managed to find another 500 shekel, so then I gave that to R’ Nissim Karelitz. Then, the apartment cost me 13,000, and I was still missing 1,500 shekels.

==

The first of Nissan came around, and I entered [the new apartment]. The first of Nissan.

The Steipler left, and he still didn’t have an apartment to go to. [The Steipler said] I am leaving now, the ikker is that you should be in for Pesach.

And the house was the blackest of black. [The Steipler] never whitewashed it, ever. The kitchen was totally black, the bathroom – that’s where they had the [paraffin lamps], everything was lamps. Everything was smoked. It took us a week just to scrape off the soot.

[There were no electric lights back then], just lompim (paraffin lamps).

==

For five years, I didn’t use the electricity [on Shabbat].

From 5719 until 5723, four years. I used to keep chumrot (stringencies, above halacha). We didn’t use electricity, we had batteries, and we had lompim. We were Briskers! We used to shecht our own chickens by ourselves, and everything.

==

Now, I read about the Ribnitzer, who healed a totally blind man.

Now I read it, before I came here. Just now, they brought me a book from the Ribnitzer. People need to read all the books of the tzaddikim. He healed a boy who was totally blind, and was on the way to having an operation, and he didn’t let them take him.

And the father kidnapped the boy from the Ribnitzer, I think this was in Eretz Yisrael. [The Ribnitzer] was here for six months, and I even got to see him. I saw him from far, I didn’t meet him. I was going to be Breslov, that’s it. I didn’t know anyone, [because during the time] I was a Litvak, I didn’t know anyone. I just went to the Admor of Gur, that’s where I went – as a Litvak.

I said to myself, he’s not really a chassid, he’s a Litvak.

That’s what I told myself. And I went to all of his tisches, I used to travel especially to Jerusalem during bein hazmanim. I went to all of his tisches.

And after that, he used to come to Haifa, for months. This was his bein hazmanim, it was his vacation city, Haifa. I used to come and pray with him, but I saw that there was no dvekut (clinging to Hashem]. He didn’t faint. So, I said, I am leaving Gur, and I went to Chabad.

Then, I saw that on yud tet Kislev everyone was drinking. This didn’t find favour in my eyes, I ran away immediately.

There was a car from Bnei Brak, I returned to Bnei Brak. I went to Satmar, I went here and there, I went to Karlin. In each place, I tried to see if there was some sort of spiritual light, some sort of awakening, some sort of dvekut.

Until Purim came.

==

On Purim, I said to the rabbanit: This Purim, Hashem is going to show me the truth.

I was looking for it at every moment. So then, I went to Lelov, the first thing, Lelov [chassidut]. R’ Moshe Mordechai [Biderman], he was the greatest tzaddik of the generation. I left, I dipped in the mikveh after the evening prayers.

There was the street Chazon Ish, there was [the street] Halperin. On Maharshal Street, that is where I used to pray on Shabbat. Five days, I prayed in Volozhin [yeshiva], and on Friday and Shabbat, in [shul on] Chazon Ish. I was like an avreich of the Chazon Ish, I used to sit with the Steipler.

But, I saw that the Litvaks had no warmth. There was no enthusiasm, there was no fire. I was looking for fire! Fire! Fire! To cry out to Hashem! To cry to God!

==

Now, he[1] is telling me that the Litvaks don’t pray at all, they just learn Torah.

But stand in your place for three minutes, for Shmoneh Esrei, stand for four hours in Shmoneh Esrei, instead of praying minchah for half a minute. Pray minchah for a minute and a half! Ma’ariv, for five minutes – [instead], pray for ten minutes! Something, in the prayers.

No-one recalls [the greatness] of prayer. This is what I heard now, there was a program about Breslov, that the Rebbe said it’s possible to cry great cries, out loud, with tears.

==

So, if a person passes through the mochin de katnut, he can revive the dead.

If he eats the karpas, and retains his mochin, and he doesn’t lose his mochin, [he will merit] to wear karpas clothing (i.e. parsley-green royal robes). The karpas is the ‘lechem oni’, it’s only green, but it will be transformed into karpas: ‘hor, karpas, techeilet’[2] – this is the techeilet of Mordechai.

==

[Rav Shmuel Stern now starts to ask the Rav questions.]

R STERN: So what happened on Purim, when the Rav got to Breslov on Purim. What happened, then?

R BERLAND: [In the other places on Purim], there were murderous blows, and I saw just crazy people. So I went to look. I got to Chazon Ish, the corner of Rabbi Akiva [in Bnei Brak]. I’d been by Lelov, but there I saw drunks, and this disgusted me. When I see drunk people, I can’t stand up in that test.

I said to myself, I am getting out of here. I’d been going there for a whole year, I’d been travelling to Lelov. For a whole year! I was really a Lelover. I was a friend of R’ Alter, of R’ Shimon, they were all my chevrutas (learning partners). Everyone had learned in Volozhin [in Bnei Brak].

==

There was one man, Ben Baruch.

I lived in Block 5, on Ya’abetz Street, and opposite me, there was the villa of Ben Baruch. He was an engineer, he’d been a general in the Russian army, and when they conquered Berlin, he escaped. A lot of them ran away, but many also returned to Russia. They understood that Russia was the real deal…

[This same Ben Baruch], he hoisted the [Russian] flag over the Reichstag. He was the richest person in Bnei Brak, this person, he was a Lelover chassid, and he took me with him, every motzae Shabbat.

Let’s say it was shkeya (twilight) at 5.50 pm. We’d do havdala at 6,30 pm, then travel to Lelov. It took an hour to get there, or 40 minutes, until Shmuel Shapira St. Shmuel Mohilever Street, 35.

The first thing, I went to Shmuel Shapira.[3] There, Hashem was going to reveal the truth to me.

That’s how I was for a whole year, we used to arrive in the middle of seuda shlishit, and then stay until after melaveh malka, until 11 pm. Then go home. I was already certain that Lelov was the ‘truth’. I was sure.

I used to walk from Bnei Brak on foot until Shmuel Laks, Abba Hillel St, 21. I used to go to him every Shabbat, I would walk two hours on foot, from Rashbam St, first from Shikun 5, and then afterwards from Rashbam St.

==

They call this ‘Napoleon’s Hill’.

A person needs to be Napoleon, he needs to be, I told myself. It’s an obligation to be Napoleon, ‘Napoleon’s Hill’. He infused me with a new spirit of life, and energy, and renewed motivation.

==

So, I was by Lelov for a whole year, every motzae shabbat.

Let’s say that I would get there by 7.30 pm, until 11 pm. Three and a half hours, at the tisch. There was a tisch for seuda shlishit, and afterwards there was ma’ariv, and that, there was melavah malka.

I thought this was already the peak, this was already ‘the truth’. This is what there is, gomarnu.

But on Purim, I said: This Purim, 5722, I have to discover the truth!

I said to the Rabbanit Tehillah: Now, I am going. I am not coming back to the house until I have found the truth. Purim is such a great light, I have to know where the truth is, if it’s Lelov, or Vizhnitz, or Gur, or Karlin.

==

R STERN: Alexander [chassidut] was there too. Did the Rav go to Alexander, there?

R BERLAND: They were in the shul. He was called Yehezkel Alexander, I think. There place was in the shul, because the shul was empty [of Breslovers]. The Breslov shtiebel was empty, so they prayed there, because it was empty. It was empty on Shabbat! On a regular day, they didn’t even have a minyan, only on Shabbat.

So, I got to R’ Akiva St, the corner of Chazon Ish, and I said to myself I am going to find the truth, here. Here, on R’ Akiva, there had to be the ‘truth’.

==

I met a few of the chevra from the kollel Chazon Ish.

I used to learn in the Chazon Ish kollel for two days [a week], and they told me, you are looking for something, we can see it in your face. They already knew, that I was searching for something. You know what, if you want to see something good, go to Vizhnitz. You’ll see something at Vizhnitz. They have there a show [on Purim], and everyone is drunk here, and everyone is dancing and jumping, and getting drunk. You’ll see something! It will take you out of the ‘gashmiut’, the searching after ‘gashmiut’.

[The Rav replied]: OK, I’ll go.

So I was on R’ Akiva St., the corner of Chazon Ish. It took me quarter of an hour to get to Volozhin. How am I meant to get there? It was already 11.30 pm.

==

R STERN: Was this R’ Moshe?

R BERLAND: Yes. I was already living on Sarah Shnirer St., Shlah St., the corner of Bartenura. R’ Moshe was the rabbi, I went to all of his tisches. I was already going to all of his tisches. On Shabbat, I went to the tisches of R’ Moshe, and on motzae Shabbat, I travelled to Lelov. This was the maximum, already.

R STERN: So, the Rav got to Vizhnitz on Purim?

R BERLAND: Until today, I still didn’t make it to there…

R STERN: So why didn’t the Rav get there, in the end?

R BERLAND. I don’t know. I tried…

R STERN: So how did the Rav get to Breslov, in the end?

==

TBC

Excerpted and translated from the special Pesach supplement to Shivivei Or, March 5786.

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] It’s unclear who the Rav is referring to.

[2] The white, parsley and blue robes of royalty, in the Purim story.

[3] The Lelover synagogue was at 35, Shmuel Mohilever Street. Shmuel Shapira was a leading Breslov mashpia, and one of the leaders of the previous generation.

They used to call the Rabbanit ‘arab’!

She was the first sephardi woman who came to live in Bnei Brak, no sephardi dared to live in Bnei Brak. And suddenly, they see…

She was the only one in the whole city with dark skin, and they used to call her ‘arab!’

[She used to say]: What?! I don’t understand why they are calling me ‘arab’.

They told her: In the end, you will have a husband who is a tzaddik.

==

They called her ‘Tehilla’ after the Tehillim (Psalms).

She was also the first person to be called ‘Tehilla’. Today, she is 88 years old. 88 years ago, there was still not this name. There was the ‘Tehilla’ of the Ramchal, but there still wasn’t this name. It was only when her father called her ‘Tehilla’, 88 years ago.

She was born in the 10 days of teshuva (on the 7th of Tishrei). She was born at a time when you say tehillim, so he called her ‘Tehilla’.

And when she came to live in Bnei Brak, they called her ‘arab!’ And he [her father] told her, in the merit of this, you will receive a husband who is a tzaddik.

They used to call her ‘arab’.

==

Back then, they used to call Yishai ‘moabite!’

Because he was the grandson of Ruth, and he had eight children, and they called all of them ‘moabites!’

Everyone humiliated them. You are moabites! Get away from here! Why did you come here?! Go back to Moab!

So, he [Yishai]  decided to sire a child from his maidservant, who was a tzaddeket. Nitzevet [the mother of King David, the wife of Yishai] was the real tzaddeket, because she never revealed [what had happened, i.e. that Yishai was the true father of King David]. She could have said something…

==

[Skipping some].

==

In the book of Yirmiyahu, there was the Churban (destruction of the First Temple).

He said, another 70 years, you’ll return.

It’s written three times, ‘70 years’[1].

One 70 years was counted from Nevuchadnezzer [and his son] Evil Medorach. He was called ‘Evil’, because [his father Nevuchadnezzer] went from being a king, to being a beast. For seven years, he was a beast. ‘Merodach’ is the name of one of the gods of Babylon.

==

[Skipping some].

==

Now, they want all the yeshiva students to enlist.

It’s hard to learn, even one line in the Gemara is harder than being in the army for 100 years. One line in the Gemara is harder than being in the army for 100 years! A person needs to know, that understanding a single line in the Gemara is harder, to learn the Gemara is more difficult, and to read the stories in [Tractate] Megillah, about Mordechai and about Pesach, when they fasted[2].

==

Shuvu Banim does everything backwards.

They do Succot on Tishrei, and Succot is a remembrance of the Clouds of Glory that were in Nissan. They do Purim in Adar, when Purim was on Pesach. When did they hang Haman? On Chol Hamoed Pesach.

So, I asked my grandchildren, where did they put him?!

After all, they hung him [Haman] twice. The first time, they hung him after Seder Night. The second time, they hung him [11 months afterwards] with his 10 sons. They didn’t want to make a separation, between him and them. It’s assur to split a father away from his sons.

So, where was he [i.e. his corpse, throughout the 11 months]? Someone told me, my little grandson, Nachman the son of Aharale, that they put him in Antarctica.

Because they didn’t have refrigerators, and there was only ice in the Alps. If you wanted to bring icecream, so then they would bring ice from the Alps and put the raspberries in the ice. That’s how the Romans did it.

==

How did they make icecream?

They used to bring a wagon-full of ice from the Alps, and they used to put some berries into the ice, and make ice lollies. Only the kings had icecream, because you had to bring a wagon full of ice from the Alps.

==

You could also do it in Antarctica, there is icecream there, as much as you want.

They build hotels there that don’t melt. In Canada, it melts at Pesach, and in Norway it also melts at Pesach. At Pesach, $1000 a day in a hotel, that is totally made of ice. You sit there with a lot of sweaters on.

==

We take the sweaters off.

When the bachurim (young men) come, we tell them to take their sweaters off, because you are not in Siberia, and also not in Antarctica!

Jump a bit, pray, sing!

==

Now, we were in the snow in Moldova.

It was minus 16 degrees, when we went to the grave yard in […missing in original…]

It was minus 16 degrees there, and we walked along like this, with these clothes. [The legs] didn’t have anything [special against the cold]. Without any sweaters, without anything. It’s stam, psychology.

It’s nothing. Say a tikkun haklali, you don’t need to add more clothes.

==

The car sunk into the snow there.

It was a miracle, that they got it out. This was just one of the miracles. We’d got to the graveyard where there was no road, and then we got stuck in half a metre of snow. They managed to pull it out.

There are stories for a thousand and one nights.

We travelled to Moldova twice. We travelled North, according to the snow, that’s where we passed the border [to enter into Ukraine]. And in the end, some captain – maybe he got a million dollars – who said I had to be brought back, because I’m the biggest criminal.

We could have run away, but we didn’t want to escape from them.

==

Translated from Shivivei Or # 451.

==

ICE HOTEL IN CANADA:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Hotel_(Quebec)

ICE HOTEL IN NORWAY:

==

ICE HOTEL IN ANTARCTICA:

https://www.uniqhotels.com/white-desert-antarctica/

==

FOOTNOTES:

[1] See Tractate Megillah, 11b.

[2] In the Purim story, the time of the three day fast called by Queen Esther fell across Seder night.